PMS and tears...

PMS always brings me a craving for carbs and also tears. Lots of them. Irrational, out of proportion tears

They made their appearance at our churchs’ Women’s Day of Grace last weekend. I don’t normally do Women’s Days because the focus tends to be on marriage and children which as a single woman, I can’t relate to. However it was different this time because it was split up into seminars and you could choose which ones you wanted to attend. In addition to the usual marriage, baby, teenage ones, there were talks on Nutrition, Personal styling, Women in leadership, in the workplace etc.
I attended the Dating seminar which was aimed at people in relationships- so strictly not for me (who can’t even get a date). The ‘Flying Solo’ seminar had 4 speakers talking about singleness from different perspectives. One hadn’t dated in four years, two were divorced - one with children and one without . Another speaker had a non-believing husband which can be incredibly lonely. I found that seminar a bit helpful as I recognised that I’d been expending a LOT of energy and resources obsessing about finding ‘Someone’, and maybe that energy is better expended on God. (Which is all well and good, but as I’ve been telling God, it’s cool and everything that He loves me, but I just want to know what it feels like to have someone human love me. A tangible person! Face it, I’m not all spirit…there’s a good chunk of me that is still physical and... ahem... sexual… but that’s another subject…)

Where was I? Oh yes… the tears

So on the Women’s Day, we had a guest musician, Carey Grant, (who really isn’t a guest because she is member of our church who just happens to be a celebrity) She sang 3 songs, and in the last one kept repeating the phrase ‘I want to go Home’. (Funnily enough the song was called Home! Hmm)
It awakened nostalgic thoughts about Uganda and my old friends with whom I truly connected, and how that really isn’t the case in England. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends in London, but they are different… I can’t put a finger to it… it’s just… different.
I really miss Home.
Unbidden tears started running down my face, much to my embarrassment because I was sitting next to soundman Paul and worship pastor, Jo. Instead of being ‘English’ and giving me emotional space, by pretending they hadn’t noticed me crying, Jo leans over and pats me on my back sympathetically. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me!!!
As if that was not enough, on Sunday during service, I started crying again. This time it was because that morning I’d received an urgent text from Uganda. School fees needed or kids would not be allowed to do exams! This meant all the money in my current account and I had to borrow some more. So I’m broke for the rest of the month, and probably next month too because I’ll have to repay the money I borrowed! It all became too much for me.
However, I was in this exact position this time last year, and God saw me through it. If He has done it before, then He’ll definitely do it again! So that crying episode I blame on PMS
Now that the good ol’ Periods have come, the tears have dried up and I am Kim again!
Until next month!

Halloween Fancy Dress Party

I joined the London Fancy Dress Party group in the Summer. I've only been able to attend one other event, which was the Hawaiian Picnic. It was a lot of fun. Nice crowd!

Last weekend was the Halloween Party. It doesn't look like it, but I was really trying to be 'Calypso' from Pirates of the Caribbean. Only difference is that instead of black dots (they didn't show up on my complexion) I had white ones instead. I couldn't find a cheap corset or a mangy dress, so I wore usual clothes. Yati went dressed as a pirate.

We were so excited and took a before picture at home.

These are some of the pictures from the party...

Andy is the organiser of the Fancy Dress Group

This woman, Susie was my favourite person that evening. She is mad!!!This lady won the best costume award for the evening. At first I thought she was Mr Tumnus from Narnia! Yati thought she must be dressed from the Planet of the Apes. She told us indignantly that she was a Werewolf! Ohhhh!!

Shelling Peas...

My brother was interested in a girl whom he visited often, took out on dates. The relationship was undefined and we would ask him what the deal was? Did he like her as more than just a friend? Had he asked her to be his girlfriend? My mother remarked drily that if he was not careful, he would lose her because he was too busy 'shelling peas'! (okutondora enkuku)

The old Kinyoro story goes that a guy who liked a girl, used to hang around her homestead, participating in communal activities like 'shelling peas' and entertaining her family with stories. He eventually came to be accepted as a good friend but never so much as hinted at his true feelings for the girl.
One day a warrior arrived, and with great flourish stuck his spear into the ground in the front courtyard announcing
"I have come for a wife, and this is the girl I want!!!"
The girl married the warrior, and the original guy lost her!

So whenever a guy is vacillating about a particular girl, he is said to be 'shelling peas'

My updated photo on all the dating websites has generated an incredible amount of responses and confirmed that men just look at photos and don't really read through profiles. Ever since I started online dating again, the Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider have become my Manual!

According to the 'Rules', you should only respond to emails. Replies must be short and breezy. (I'm still trying to get the hang of that). Hopefully the guy will realise that if he wants to know you better he should do so in the real world - not online. If by the 4th email he has not asked for your phone number or out on a date, then he just isn't serious. Delete/Next!
This week, I've been exchanging emails with this guy. A Christian, which makes a pleasant change to the 'atheists' or the 'spiritual' guys who have been contacting me. He's from up North (I have a soft spot for Northerners), has a sense of humour and we appear to have a lot in common.
However, by email no 4 he still had not asked me for my number. I thought to myself, let's give him another chance, broke the 'Rules' and sent him a reply.
Email No 5 came and STILL NOTHING!
It's really tough, but I'm going to have to delete him. That's the fourth guy this month! Sigh!

I want to be pursued and wooed by that warrior who knows what he WANTS and goes for it.
Not some ambiguous 'pea sheller'

Fitness Freak!

Saturday morning I tried out a new circuit training class. This is basically divided up into different work stations and you spend 5 minutes at each of them.
At the boxing post I was assigned this lady. First I held up those glove pads for her to punch. I kid you not, her face looked so scary, and with each punch she landed she would exhale air with a forceful ‘HU-AHH!’ I kept backing away until I was up against the mirror. When it came to my turn, my punches were a bit half hearted. You see, big tall people like me have a tendency to temper our full strength because

1) we are big and tall and
2) If we hit with all our strength we would cause serious damage

The lady started shouting at me,

“Come on!!! You can hit harder than that! Come on! Is that all you’ve got!”

I was glad when the instructor told us to move to the next station. Phew!

The other stations were mainly weights (my arms are still aching), skipping, running up and down, and press ups using a stability ball. I managed to only get in one press up but kept falling over. Apparently, I need to learn how to hold in my abdominal muscles and squeeze my bum tight in order to balance.
We finished off with some abdominal exercises. My boxing partner was really going for the crunches gung-ho style; whereas I would do like 4, collapse on the mat gasping, and only try again when I felt the instructor’s eyes on me. Today my stomach muscles are sore – but the wrong ones –above and below the bulge!!!

Back home as I was flopped on the sofa in exhaustion, the door bell rang. Yati and I looked at each other in surprise – we never get visitors
“Expecting anyone?” “Uh uh”
It was one of our neighbours Selena who’d seen me at the gym and finally found a reason to come over and make friends. We’ve been waving to each other for the last few months, but never introduced ourselves properly. She’ll be coming with me for my Saturday morning class.
I’m so happy that I’ve finally found a gym buddy!
Now I need buddies for my Slimming World and Ceroc dance classes

Idolatry

As a keen reader, I've always had profound admiration for writers. If they can engage my interest for any length of time, then I immediately elevate them to celebrity status. And if they are Christian writers, even more so! People like C S Lewis, Corrie Ten Boom, Michelle McKinney Hammond, Luci Swindoll, Frank Peretti... all up there...skill is to be covetted... far above reproach

This admiration does not extend to great talkers/preachers though- having been taken in and burnt by salesmen in the past. The smoother their words, the deeper my distrust of them.

I recently purchased a book called 'The Thrill of the Chaste' by Dawn Eden about being sexually pure in a sex-obsessed society. Dawn writes from the perspective of someone who has been there done that and realised how empty casual sex is. Her style is so down to earth and I've read through her book in one sitting, several times. Whenever I meet a cute guy, I guess her book helps me to refocus and keep my resolve NOT to objectify him.

I was quite pleased to learn that she was coming to London to give a talk on chastity at Farm Street Church, Mayfair. So went along for it. The room was packed with people, 20's and 30's - both women and men (which is a bit of a surprise because the book is primarily aimed at single women in their 20's & 30's). As usual I was the only black person there (won't ever get used to that... where are my people at???). This was not the only thing that was unique to me. It felt like I was the only Protestant too. A fact I should have picked up on earlier when I read in Dawn's blog that this would be her first appearance in London as a Catholic. So naturally her talk would be aimed at Catholics. Also Farm Street Church is a Catholic Church. Duh!!

The first thing she says is that she gets nervous and stammers when talking about sex, so it would really help if people in the audience would say a prayer to 'Our Lady' to help her out. You can imagine, as a Protestant I have 'issues' with that. And then her whole talk was peppered with deprecating remarks about Protestants. Her mother apparently is a Messianic Jew which as far as she is concerned, with a sneer, is 'just a Protestant who says Jewish prayers'. Dawn started out her Christian walk as a Protestant, but later converted to Catholicism because she thought Catholics were less hypocritical and took their faith more seriously. I probably wouldn't have taken issue with her anti-Protestant remarks, Lord knows we do enough Catholic bashing of our own, but the guys around me kept on snickering whenever she'd make them which further added to my discomfort.
Perhaps I am over-reacting, but I know for sure that hearing Dawn in person has made me evaluate the way I perceive writers. In fact, it was good to attend this talk, because it forced me to remove my rose-tinted glasses and actually see her for who she is. A fellow human being, capable of being judgemental and offensive (like the rest of us ordinary mortals), who just happens to have a talent for writing.
In Deuteronomy 5: 8 - 9A, it says

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God..."

I guess it is possible to respect writers' talent, not forgetting that they too are human. My attitude towards them was definitely idol worship. So I repented before God and asked Him to help me to see these people from the right perspective, through His eyes!

The St B's Club

Mark from St Barnabas is always organising activities, films, dinners, pub quiz, hanging out at his place etc. In theory, it is a good way to get to know other people. I've always wanted to go, but couldn't because of work committments. So I was happy to go along to the cinema with them to watch Ratatouille - Pixar's latest animation about a rat who pursues his dream to be a great chef. It is funny - not hilarious - but worth watching.

Afterwards I reflected on my relationship with the good people of St B's.

Every church has it's "in" crowd. Usually the guys in the Worship Team - the musicians - people whose visible talents propel them into almost celebrity-like status - within the church! Today's movie goers were mainly 'in' crowd. Conversations with them kind of go like this:

Kim: Hi! What's your name?

St B's guy: "I'm Paul"

(pause while I wait for him to ask for my name)

Paul: Uhh , Do I know you?

Kim: yes you do, we go to the same church (yeah dude, the other Sunday when I was talking to your friend Rene, you cut in on our conversation, said hello to him and totally blanked me)

Paul: ohhh, so that's where I've seen you. What service do you go to?

Kim: Mornings mainly (same as you dude)

(Blank look)

Kim: I help out with the tech team sometimes (the only black person who does, you'd be blind to miss me)

Paul: (something like 'recognition' dawning) Oh yes, so that's where I've seen you

And he still has not asked for my name!!!

Earlier, I'd had another conversation with a Catherine from Nottingham. Same thing. Not interested in anything except herself.

I am a shy person - uncomfortable with new people and situations. It takes a lot out of me to initiate conversations, and it would really help if once I got the ball rolling, the other person could help me along.

I cannot really point to a good conversation I have had with anyone new in a long time. Not just the 'in' crowd at St B's, but everyone else. I've thrown myself into new social situations but conversations are always one-sided- with me asking all the questions, being interested, and the other person just... not!!

Since I am the common denominator there must be something wrong with my technique? Something that puts people off? Or maybe I am just in the wrong social circles? And if I am, then what are they RIGHT circles? Or perhaps people just don't want to be my friend?

Thoughts on Career

As a child, I considered several careers,
Nun - because I wanted to be close to God
Model - because I was tall and had a unique look. But that dream died when I realised that I had a large frame that would NEVER be UK Size 8 and Acne that has carried on till now.
Dentist - to follow in my dad's footsteps. I wasn't very good at Biology and in college performed better in the Arts.
Lawyer- having been inspired by Sydney Sheldon's book 'Rage of Angels'. I actually spent 4 years at Law School. It became quite clear in my first semester that being a lawyer wasn't at all glamorous - lots of HARD work, trudging through endless cases, like 'DPP v Shaw' (the first case you read in Criminal Law ) which is 40 pages of legalese- B-O-O-O-RING!!! And then you have about 100 other cases to go through ARGGHHHH!
During Uni, I worked part time at the local Radio station producing adverts and occasionally providing voice overs when there was no one else to do it. After I finished my degree, I interviewed at a new radio station that was in the process of being set up and got a job as a presenter. However, even though we received training we were told that the studio hadn't been completed and we wouldn't be paid for a few months... basically it looked BAD! My mother pooh poohed the whole idea and issued an ultimatum, give up the dream about working in a radio station in Uganda, or go to the UK. "If you really want to work in radio I would rather you did it for the BBC?"
So I took the ticket, and set off starry-eyed for the UK.
It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.
If I'd stayed on in Uganda, I would have built up some radio experience which would have given me a 'leg in' to the BBC.
Once in the UK, I came face to face with reality. There was tough competition for even the unpaid roles in the BBC. I needed to survive so I took the first job that came my way, working in the civil service. It's a job, it pays the bills and the best thing about it is the flexible work hours. Quite a cushy number! No stress. I get time off to go travelling...
However, at this week's team meeting my manager informed us that the business was restructuring and basically by 2011, we would be out of a job. Which means that I have to start looking for another job.
I don't know what to dooooooooo (high pitched whine)
Some people have got their careers all figured out! Me? My 'career' path has been a trail of impulsive decisions, with no specific destination in mind.
At the moment I am volunteering as a AV operator at my local church. My flat mate said maybe I should consider a career in this area, do a few courses and get some qualifications. I don't know - maybe this will be my route into Radio?

My family...

Well some of them...This picture was taken at my nephew's 5th birthday party. Mom came over from Uganda.

Why I am still single!

I've been quite proactive in my search for a mate.
To recap...
Last year I realised that Christian guys were either married, engaged or in relationships, and the single ones just not interested in me. It became obvious that to improve my chances of ever meeting anyone I had to expand my circles beyond the church. So I went speed dating, started Salsa classes to keep fit in a fun way... (well at least that was my cover story); signed up to Internet dating websites - had a few dates until I ...
met a guy I really liked but he didn't like me 'that way'
Was crushed!
Removed my profile from dating websites. Subsequently read "The Rules" and realised all the mistakes I had been making with guys - making myself too available (and cheap) and not giving them the opportunity to pursue me

This year I joined Meetup.com and started socialising with people who had similar interests. I put my profile back onto a few dating websites... even a Christian one!!! Received some male interest but mainly from drunk guys in night clubs - not really flattering... not my thing really. I corresponded briefly with some guys from websites, had a couple of dates - didn't feel any connection
Wished I was a lesbian!
Read 'The Thrill of the Chaste' by Dawn Eden and repented before God for unchaste thoughts and behaviour. I then made a decision to stop feeding this desire for a mate - cut out all romantic movies and books, dealt ruthlessly with crushes etc. I then threw myself into church activities to 'take my mind off things'

I've kept socialising but it's more relaxed now because my focus has now shifted to enjoying myself, making friends rather than check out the guys

Sometimes I slide back into old habits...

At the beginning of last week, this guy from Loveandfriends.com sent me an email saying that he'd found my profile charming and was tripping the hands of fate. He hoped that I would find his profile incredibly interesting. Good looking. Despite the fact that he'd filled in 'Spiritual' under Religion, I thought it wouldn't hurt to email him back. I mentioned that I am involved in my church,
He wanted to know whether I was relgious?
Me: Depends on your definition of religion
Him: Is it important to you that your potential partner shares your beliefs?
Me: Yes, it is important to me that my potential partner shares or is at least open minded about my core beliefs
Okay so I was compromising a little. The last date I went on was with this 40+ year old Atheist, who had no depth to him and we just did not have much in common. He was such an empty shell!
On the other hand, this guy seemed keen, was black, and apart from 'Religion', seemed to tick all the other boxes. Moreover I'd been encouraged by the story of my friend who has just got together with a guy I introduced her to. He was not a Christian when they first met, but converted within 2 months of meeting her. He now goes to church and in fact tomorrow he is attending the Alpha course at my church! Yippee

Since 'Loveandfriends guy' also belonged to the London Black Professionals group, we agreed that we would meet at the monthly event held last Friday. When you arrive at these events, you hover on the fringes until someone gives you a friendly smile which is your cue to join in on their conversation. The new Kim (Rules girl) at parties expects guys who are interested to initiate conversation with her.
The only guys I spoke with were not him so I assumed that he was a 'no show' (which I found a bit strange)
Next day, he called to ask whether I had been at the meetup.
Me: "Yes, I got there at about 10"
Him: Oh I left a quarter past 10"
and started describing what he'd been wearing and people he talked to.
Me: I didn't recognise you.
He then asked whether I was the one who came in later with another girl,
Me: "Yes I did",
(and then the bloody cheek)
Him: Oh I saw you, have you lost weight since you took the picture on the website?" (So you saw me then?) Me: "No I haven't, I've been pretty much the same size since I took the photo" (that's a lie...I HAVE gone down a dress size)

I thought to myself, if this guy was really serious, he would have at least come over to say hello. And to think I was nervous about actually meeting him??!!

And with such lame ass brothers like that... no wonder I am still single

Rugby

It was a really quiet weekend! Usually, I wake up early on Saturday morning to go to the gym, but for once, I decided to have some time out, have a lie in... reacquaint myself with the vacuum cleaner, make plenty of phone calls to friends.

I caved in mid morning and went for an aerobics class. Due to over enthusiasm with the crunches, my stomach muscles are still in agony - 3 days later

I also watched the Rugby World Cup 2007. Ahhh, Rugby! Takes me back to my Fresher days. Our University team was called the Impis. The captain Paul, who had adopted me as his younger sister, invited me to watch my first game and I went out of curiousity. However, when he discovered that I was quite a loud and enthusiastic cheerleader he decided to make me an honorary Impi, the team mascot!
Almost every Saturday afternoon during rugby season, the bus would pull up outside 'Box' my halls of residence, and honk impatiently for me. All those gorgeous rugby players!! I'd gather up as many girls as possible and then we'd go and cheer our hearts out at the Lugogo Rugby club.
"GOOOOOO IMPIS!!"
or if the other team grabbed the ball
" GRAB HIM, LACK HIM, KILLLLLLL HIM!"
It was marvelous fun!
I developed a bit of a crush on one of the players which every one thought was quite cute. I'd sit with him on the bus on the way back from the game. Subsequently I learnt that Paul had given him a 'talk' and was 'watching' him - which really explains the poor guys' nervousness. Eventually he came up with the "I-can't-date-you-It's-not-you-it's-me" speech. I was heartbroken
The World cup has rekindled my love for Rugby - possibly nostalgia. It doesn't hurt that the best looking guys on the England Rugby tea- Jonny Wilkinson and Jason Robinson are born again Christians! Last Sunday when England was playing against Samoa, Jonny played really well. I felt so proud of him!
I wonder what the neighbours think because there I am yelling loudly in my living room, just like my Impis days!

Jehovah Jireh

My lodger is moving out by October. The announcement did not come as a surprise. The last few months have been trying for her. Our small flat has played host to a lot of ‘guests’- loud Church Group meetings, long stay relatives and one time I even had absolute strangers from www.hospitalityclub.org. I know she values her privacy and because she works in a high pressured environment needs a place to unwind after work. She hasn’t come out and said that she minds (Only when the hospitality club guys were around) but I can sense her discomfort, irritation, annoyance
One of my spiritual gifts is hospitality- I love having parties, cooking for people and just having them around. This is the main reason why I moved to my own place. I’ve tried to compromise and be a bit considerate. I’m not entertaining as much as I would like to. And now when I have people around, I feel really guilty because of the effect on her.
I sat down to work out the figures and discovered that my salary JUST about covers my fixed monthly outgoings, i.e. mortgage, rent, bills, credit card repayments, tithe-the non-negotiable items. I’ve been depending on her monthly contribution and I don’t know how I am going to survive after she’s gone! I constantly worry about it. I regret money that I have spent recklessly in the past, the holidays I took abroad, and reproach myself for not saving up when I could.
Will I find another lodger? Will I lose the flat?
Last Sunday I felt so overwhelmed. At the end of service I went to the front of the church and just wept before God. I tried to negotiate with Him about the tithe. Surely is it right to keep tithing if it means I have nothing left to live on.
What is the biblical position? Why ask? In Mark 12:42 - 44 it is told that a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny into the offering box. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on

So the tithe is still payable! I’d love to know what happened after the widow went back home. Did God provide for her? Some of these bible stories can be frustrating because they have no end and are only meant to generate discussion. Also they don't always have nice tidy happy endings. Maybe she went home and starved to death.

I’ve suddenly remembered another story. I don’t know why I am only remembering stories about widows - perhaps it is because I can relate to them being a single woman living on my own?

In 1 Kings 17: 7-15 Elijah went to a widow in Zarephath and asked her for bread.

She replied, “As surely as the LORD your God lives…I don't have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die."
Elijah said to her, "Don't be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small cake of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD gives rain on the land.' "
She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the LORD spoken by Elijah.

God is my Father!

Last year when I came back from my time abroad, I was so broke and He provided for me! I pray that when thoughts of despair threaten to overwhelm me, that I will hold on to the truth that God is concerned about my needs. He may not provide in the way that I would like Him to and maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. Perhaps He is teaching me to live more frugally, stop being lazy and take up a part time job again. Ditch the expensive car and start using the bus. Cancel the gym membership and think of creative ways to keep fit. And stop being so vain, cancel my contact lenses prescription and start wearing my glasses (even though they make me look like an old spinster). And surely I can survive without expensive skin products and learn to live with the adult acne.
Whatever it is I will trust God in this!

Notting Hill Carnival

It was my pleasure to introduce Yati this year to the famous Notting Hill Carnival. It's Europe's largest street festival, and the second largest in the world after the Carnival in Rio De Janeiro.
I've always had a good time there which is odd, considering media coverage of the event is largely negative, focussing only on the heavy police presence(4000 police) , how many people were arrested (208), stabbed(1), shot (2), robbed etc

It's a really colourful event. I just love the floats. Soca, Calypso and Samba music blares out from huge speakers. If you get close to them, you can feel the Bass vibrating through your body! There are the Steel drum bands which are a personal favourite. Though there was strong competition this year from a large group of drummers - must have been about 100 of them, in a 'batteria'. The crowds just loved them

Then there's the brightly coloured, garish and outlandish costumes - women wearing the skimpiest bikini's ever. What always gets me is the larger women, who have probably been persuaded by their skinny friends to wear the same outfit. The amount of confidence these women exude is amazing. I wouldn't be caught dead in any one of those costumes. There's one woman whom we couldn't quite figure whether she was pregnant or was that just a large stomach?

All over the place is the lovely aroma of Caribbean cooking. Barbeques going with Jerk chicken and Curry goat! I bought myself a large portion of Jerk Chicken and washed it down with tasty rum punch.

It was nice to see other nationalities represented at the Carnival including this Chinese one - not as colourful or as lively as the other floats that had thumping music and crowds 'WIIIIIINDING!!!!'

Being me, I never pass up the opportunity to scout for good looking men in London (and some not so good looking hehe)

Definitely a great time and looking forward to next year's one.

The Cost of Being a Disciple

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.
And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26 – 27 NIV)

Mother Theresa is quoted, “If this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few”

In the old testament, Job, was a man of whom God said, ...‘There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. (Job 1: 8 NIV)...And yet God let Satan take away everything Job had – his family, possessions, his health

It’s a sobering to think that being a child of God does not insulate you from pain, hurt, distress, poverty, and illness. It is not an easy Walk. We are constantly swimming against the tide, faced with tough choices the consequences of which hurt, isolate, or in some cases even cost us our lives. Jesus tells us in John 16: 33, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

And non-Christians say that Christianity is for the weak… a crutch? I don’t think so

A few months ago, a friend was diagnosed with Schizophrenia; she has now been ‘Sectioned’. In England, this happens when a person with “mental disorder" is admitted to hospital against their will under the Mental Health Act. A patient can be sectioned if they are perceived to be a threat to themselves or other people.
Most of us, are reeling from the shock of this news. You see, my friend has a burning passion for God’s work. It’s what she lives for. For as long as I’ve known her, she has always been involved in evangelism. She headed up her University’s Christian Union, then went on to train with the ‘Jesus Army’ for a year, went preaching in Europe and when she came back to London, set up a bible study group, carried on with street evangelism, even worked in the Church. She constantly challenged us friends to live holy lives and win souls for Jesus.

It seems to me that the more you draw attention to yourself in God’s Kingdom the more likely you are to be a target. This is the reason I am reluctant to throw myself wholeheartedly into God’s work. I’d rather be anywhere but on the 'Front line'. To be totally honest, I love myself, my family, my friends and reputation too much. I’m not willing to bear the cost of being a disciple. I am a coward. Does this make me any less Christian?

Is there any such thing as a selfish cowardly Christian?

Peter is recorded as the biggest coward in the New Testament. At the time of Jesus arrest, in order to save his own skin, Peter denied that he knew Jesus, not once, but THREE times! In Matthew 26: 74 it is recorded that he went so far as to '...call down curses on himself and he swore to them, "I don't know the man!" However, a few months later, this same man, Peter stood up in front of a crowd and bore witness to Jesus, with so much passion that 3000 men converted that day. He went on to face intense persecution both within and outside the church. But this was only possible after the Jesus had affirmed him and he had been baptised in the Holy Spirit on Pentecost.

With God all things are possible. We cannot be disciples, without the help of the Holy Spirit. All it takes is willingness on our part, and then complete dependence on God to help us follow through on our decision.
I wish cowardice could disappear in an instant, but alas it doesn't. Even in Peter we see echoes of cowardice in his behaviour post 'Acts of the Apostles'. Paul records in Galations 1: 11- 13

'When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong. Before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.'

There is a lot we can learn from Peter. After all, we are not perfect. All have flaws and weaknesses. In my case, it is cowardice, for others it may be something different. Others learn how to overcome their weaknesses quickly, some like me, are still crippled by them. The fact is, I DO want to live a holy life that honours and glorifies God and I DO want to win as many people for Jesus... I'm just not sure whether I am willing to pay the price. Kind of like when an overweight person wants to lose weight, but is not willing to pay the price of self discipline and unlearn the bad habits that got them into the situation in the first place.

There are no short cuts in life. Everything has a price. Sometimes ... the burden is light and yoke easy... but other times IT JUST ISN'T!
All I know is that when the time of reckoning comes, and I am faced with the choice to bear the cost of discipleship (and I know the time will come) I hope that God will help me make the right decision.

“Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1:22 NIV)

The Wedding!

When I got there in the morning, Simon told me that they had been up until 2.00am in the morning getting the hall ready and doing some last minute shopping. He was very calm. I asked him where his suit was, and he said that it was at his mother-in-law, Nanny Pam’s, place. Sharon had to come home to collect some stuff, so to get out of the way, we went to the church to supervise the balloon people.

I thought everything was under control until I noticed him pacing the floor clearly agitated!
“What's wrong?”
“I'm nervous!”
“About what?”
“That things will go wrong.”
The person who had promised to pick up the food from Nanny Pam's had let them down so the duty fell to Simon and me.

This was midday; the wedding was at 2.00pm.

At Nanny Pam’s even more drama awaited... The suit was not there! Sharon was stressed and did not appreciate me asking her repeatedly where it was. ‘Tell Simon to look in the wardrobe at home.” And indeed, there it was, together with crumpled white shirt. I started ironing like a mad woman and ordered him into the bathroom to shave and shower! He wanted to go for a walk to de-stress. No time for that we need to be at the church by 1.30.
At 1.00pm, his Ex- Partner phoned to ask for directions to the church. She was supposed to bring the boys, who were the pageboys, and they still had not left their home in West London??? As a result the Wedding was delayed for an hour. We all think this was maliciously deliberate. Stress levels were at an all time high. I kept reminding Si to calm down and BREATHE!

Before Sharon walked in to the church, he started shaking! “This is it then, no turning back now!” It was a beautiful ceremony, (if the sermon a tad too long!)
5 minutes before the reception, was informed that I was the Master of Ceremonies! (MC). Now it was my turn to be stressed!!! MC's are supposed to be funny, keep the audience entertained! I’m not deliberately funny- most of my ‘planned’ jokes often fall as flat as Jamaican hard dough bread. It’s all in the delivery dahling! (I'm thinking of joining Toastmasters to learn the art public speaking.) The cameraman (who was cute but MARRIED) gave me a few tips. Despite this, I still messed up. I told people to start lining up for the buffet before the kitchen was ready! Everything was really disorganised. Apart from Sharon's sisters, there wasn't really anyone to help with serving or clearing up rubbish (plates cutlery etc)! Total contrast to African weddings where you have a host of willing volunteers! The food was good. I couldn’t fully enjoy it because I was anxious about my SPEECH
The Speech… Being the last minute person that I am, I’d spent about 10 minutes the previous night working on it, and only practiced on the morning of the wedding while driving down to South London. I managed to put half of it on to prompt cards, the finishing touches to be added while everyone was eating at the reception. Unfortunately, I didn’t get any time to do this because of a) morning drama and b) this whole MC’ng business.
The end result was not bad though. One of the guests, who looked like Desmond, from the TV series, was glaring at me! (Gulp) Turns out he was not the only one giving me the evils. Apparently the ex did not appreciate parts of my speech that heaped lavish praise upon Sharon.
Not many guests knew that Simon and Sharon had met through the Internet, so when I brought up the subject, I could see the bride and groom looking anxious. I didn’t dwell on it but turned it into a joke - thanking them for showing us that the Internet is not just populated with weirdoes and psychos, but has some normal people as well…. (Pause and a glance at Simon) Weeelllll… sort of normal! The audience laughed at the right places – so really pleased!

Afterwards, I asked them to clear the dance floor, i.e. put chairs and tables to the side and was not too impressed when all the men just stood there and did not offer to help. (And Sharon and Simon were thinking of hooking me up with one of the guys there? Hmm I don't think so!) The cameraman helped…but unfortunately for me he is taken! (I was very taken with him!!!)
Then it turned boring. The DJ was lousy, no one was dancing, and I couldn’t leave before Simon and Sharon. Can’t understand why they took so long to leave. There was a posh hotel room waiting for them, which I’m sure Simon had mentioned at least a thousand times!

Despite everything, they appear to have had a good time and that’s what matters! I don’t have any close male friends left, so I guess this is the last time I’ll do the best man thing. A part of me regretfully felt that I should have done this for Stephen, who until a couple of years ago was my best friend … but there you go… you can never predict how life turns out!

Last year I was Chief Bridesmaid; this year, Best Man… Who knows maybe next year I could be BRIDE???

Boogie Night!

This new Mark Ranson video that features Lily Allen doing a cover of Kaiser Chiefs 'Oh My God' has been a firm favourite of the household for the last few days.

It put Yati and me in the mood for DANCING! Haven't been near the London club scene for a while, especially after reports of a recent incident when a car bomb was found outside Tiger Tiger - a club I used to frequent. However as with all things in these terrorist days, you can't let them dictate life to you. If you put your life on hold out of fear you'll never do ANYTHING My brother EC was DJ'ng last night at the Cherry Jam in Bayswater - swanky little club -made even more attractive by the smoking ban! Thank you Tony Blair!! (...or is it Brown now?...need to get used to that) I rallied up the troops - Ngonzi (my sister) and Yati and headed in to town with one mission on our minds.... BOOGIE!!
Got there around 10.00pm and headed straight for the dancefloor. Ngonzi picked up a girl, Lisa, who'd been sitting dejectedly at the bar. She'd been stood up by her friends, didn't know anyone and was leaving. We generously allowed her to join our group, and then started the serious business of GETTING DOWN ON THE DANCEFLOOR! House music is very interesting. Sure it's 'thud thud' music, but it reminds me of Zairean 'Lingala' music sans whining guitar and singing is to a minimum- in fact, we was busting some hot lingala moves Man!
Another thing I like about House music is that within the song, you get 'rest' periods, where the bass cuts out, and then this kind of electric sound starts building up, everyone waits for that wave to break, anticipating the moment of crescendo.... me yelling "It's coming, it's coming!" The music shrieks...dum dum dum dum dum duuuuuuumm... a short pause...
THEN!!!
The bass riff comes CRASHING BACK and everyone shifts their asses into full gear, dancing in earnest - like their very lives depend on it. It's like TOTALLY AWESOME!!! Just love it!
One guy came up to our group, 'Hi I'm Dominic!" and kind of latched onto us the whole night. He was clearly there for dancing and was very good - had some merengue moves which went down well with me. At one point, another guy came up to our table and lifted a glass of wine- such was his confidence that it threw me. I turned to Yati and asked "Is that his wine?" Moments later, Lisa comes back and says, "Where's my wine? I had a full glass of red wine here" I pointed at the culprit and she goes charging after him, "That's my wine!!!" His embarrassed girlfriend bought her another glass, and then they latched onto us as well. While I was resting he leans drunkenly over the table and says "Give us a kiss then"... huh?... "Why should I give you a kiss?... "No reason, just give me a kiss!" so I pecked him on the cheek, he gives me a thumbs up and goes off. Then he comes around again and says... "You are very special!" What can you say to that but "Thank you?" I looked over at his girlfriend who just shrugged. She's clearly used to this behaviour. Some black guys wandered in, but experience has taught us to come slow with our Brothers in such night clubs. You see, black people aren't really into House music, and the ones that are, are usually Coconuts or have 'Jungle Fever' (i.e. have a clingy white girlfriend or are just plain not interested in us Sisters) But they are good dancers so I seize every opportunity to get down with them... and then depart gracefully when Miss Cling Film observes that her man is having way too much fun, starts feeling insecure and moves in to stake her claim!
Alas the club session ended and our new found friend Dominic asked whether we were moving on to the next club. Gave us a bit of background.. he's from Sydney, had just cycled across Canada, (let's have a look at your tush then Aoooooowwww!) would be in Berlin next week and then go back home. "So you are cycling back to Sydney"
"No I'm flying back"
"That's the wrong answer mate, you need to impress me"
"Oh, how should I impress you?"
"Say you are cycling back to Sydney"
"Oh yeah.. I'm cycling back to Sydney"
"Wow!!!!"

Silly really!

It was a good evening! My legs are in agony. I don't do this often enough.. perhaps it is best that way... keep it in small doses so that it doesn't lose it's magic

And also give my feet a break!

BOOGIE ON!!

The Stag!

Way back in April I contacted all Simon's friends and proposed that for his stag we should have a weekend away of adventure activities. It turns out this was too expensive for them, because most of them were married and had family responsibilities to consider

So I proposed a pub crawl instead, which would be more in line with 'tight-fisted' English culture! Alas - they were not available for this either. What kind of friends does Si have?

I give up!

The ones who agreed to come were all people that he has met through the Internet or work colleagues- so no one from his past!

Simone has been corresponding with him for 8 years and this was her first time to meet him. She brought along her cousin Sebastian as a chaperone, just in case we turned out to be a bunch of weirdos.

The setting for the stag? Angel, Islington. For an early supper we went to Japanese teppanyaki restaurant, Ah-So, with entertaining Philipino chef Charly! Next door was the Hope and Anchor pub which was the perfect place to begin a pub crawl!

To make the evening a bit more interesting I suggested that we should all dress up as characters from the Adventure/Fantasy genre that Simon likes so much. For Si I procured a 'Gandalf' wig and beard! He looked hilarious. I wore a Pirates costume, Yati came as an angel and not sure what Simone and Sebastian were supposed to be. Lukasz came as 'Himself' - probably the street urchin or rogue?
It was a fun evening. We pub crawled all the way to Angel Station. Simon got progressively WASTED! At one point he was feeling 'hot??' and needed to walk in the fresh air to cool down. Never mind that we were walking in the street at that time. Then he started going on about me being his best friend which was quite embarrassing really. You see Simon likes to hug and I am not really a 'touchy feely' person! At around midnight he decided to launch into a 'serious' conversation about upcoming wedding, stuttering, stopping mid sentence... (as drunk people do)
Yati, just fell asleep on the couch and it was left to me to keep insisting that he hurry up. As I live outside London, it was absolutely vital to get to Kings Cross on time so that we could catch the last train back home. And we would have caught the train, if Si had not insisted on going back to his home (even though I'd offered him my couch for the night!) We had to take him to Trafalgar Square, get him on to his night bus and then catch our night bus which took us about 2 hours to get home!

Ahh the things we do for friends!

Well all that's left now is the (GASP) speech and I still need to get the suit! The good news is that thanks to Slimming World, I have lost a staggering half a stone in just one month, and I am no longer in between sizes! I've also taken up the gym and swimming regularly which has helped to tone me up a bit more! It feels so good to walk into a shop and find clothes that fit!

Can't believe the wedding is in a couple of weeks time!

Blog on the backburner

In my school days, I acquired a bit of a reputation of being a good writer. I always scored top marks in English Composition, wrote brilliant essays, entered writing competitions, wrote short stories to entertain friends, kept a daily journal and when I moved to England, wrote the longest letters to friends back home

I LIKED writing! I even considered a career in Journalism

However, lately, I’ve run out of material to blog about

I’ve changed as well. I find no pleasure in blogging and my journal, which I was once slavishly devoted to, lies forlornly on my bedside cabinet- gathering dust. I’ve been cutting out newspaper articles that I felt… 'Oh that’s worth blogging about’
Stories like 16-year-old Lydia Playfoot, from West Sussex who went to the High Court to accuse her school of discriminating against Christians by banning the wearing of "purity rings".
I thought I’d write something about best selling ‘The God Delusion’ by Richard Dawkins (which is quite a good read if you are the type that is not easily offended) and the Christian response, ‘The Dawkins Delusion’ by Alister McGrath which is admittedly a bit more of a slog to get through– unlike the former it is definitely not popular literature. However, when I sit down at my computer, the words just don’t flow!

I find it difficult to express any opinions, even in normal conversation. These days when people are airing their views (more like parroting what they’ve heard from other people) I just listen, or play devil’s advocate by challenging their views.

Or have I just lost motivation to write?

Feedback is the fuel that drives a writer on! We need to know what impact our words are having; that we are COMMUNICATING!!! Through our writing we create and develop a ‘relationship’ with our readers. A relationship, cannot survive if it is all one-sided. If you had a conversation with someone who did not react at all, you’d quickly run out of steam.

People do not read my blog anymore. My younger sister, who used to be my most avid reader, asked me the other day what my blog address was.
Need I say more?

Sometimes things like this make me feel inadequate as a writer. I start comparing my writing to writers of ‘successful’ blogs – you know the ones that have 1000+ hits per day?

But even though I am not trained, I know that I’m still a good writer! Why else would my email-pal with whom I correspond with daily still keep writing! This has become one of the few outlets that have satisfied my writer’s ‘need’. I concentrate most of my efforts to these emails which are a pleasure to write. It keeps me grounded and I think I’d go mad if Simon wasn’t there- always responding, commenting, challenging

Why then should I write for an inattentive audience?

Italy in pictures

Cute picture!!!

International Friends in London

A couple of months ago, I came across an advert in Gumtree for International Friends in London. 4 friends had gotten together to organise socials for people who were new to London, and wanted to explore London with other likeminded people. Of the original group, Laura from Nice, France remains.
The only condition to be part of the group is that you have to be an International who is living and working in London. I thought to myself. Interesting... might be fun!

I joined their mailing list, but unfortunately could not attend socials that were almost always held on Saturdays- the day I work at the restaurant

So you can imagine how thrilled I was when they organised a picnic in Hampstead Heath last Sunday. I rallied up my flat mate, Yati and colleague Sin to go check it out!

Like any Single, in the back of my mind I was also hoping that maybe I'd meet someone...

I didn't!

What I did meet was a bunch of lovely people in their mid 20's to early 30's from France, South Africa, India, Moldova, Turkey, Malaysia and me, Uganda.

Even though we were from different countries and had different jobs, our 'foreignness' fostered a sense of kinship. I can't explain it. I just felt a connection, like I'd known them all my life. We all have similar experiences... the culture shock, the woes of shared accommodation, the loneliness. ..
At first everyone was a little bit shy, conversation a bit stilted, and the thought did cross my mind to make my excuses and make a quick exit. But glad I stuck it out because when everyone relaxed it became really interesting to hear their insights into and experience of London. Topics ranged from the current economic situation in the former Soviet Union countries, Bollywood, Nollywood (...and did you know there was also a Lollywood?) to Desperate Housewives and Ugly Betty!
There was a lot of jokes and laughter... a great afternoon!!
When we were leaving one of the guys commented
'Well that was a productive afternoon. Otherwise I would have spent it on my own... in my flat.., lonely...'
Which elicited a lot of 'Awwwwsssss!"
We all hugged goodbye and exchanged 'mwah mwah' French style kisses.

Yati and I agreed that these are the type of friends we would definitely like to meet up with again.
I'm looking forward to the June event which will be at the London Dungeon and then a lunch at nearby Borough market!

Online Dating... again!!

I've been feeling lonely, so once again have turned to online dating. Signed up to 3 websites - christiancafe.com, Tangowire.com and loveandfriends.com
The first few weeks have been spent feverishly checking my mail, responding to 'winks/smiles', emailing but with very little success
On Christian Cafe, I seem to be attracting only Nigerians and recently a 55 year old man who was looking for a woman in her early thirties who was 'keen and able to have children soon, not overweight'. Hmm... a broodmare I think. Clearly he had not read my profile which specified desired age range (30 and 40), and that I was not interested in having children.
On Tangowire, I was contacted by a randy Italian whose idea of a compliment was 'You are also sexy! I seen it in your eyes, and I would try on my skin that sexiness'.
Er... delete!!!
Then there was the Bostonian who used so many ellipses (...'s) that his emails looked like a 'join the dots' page

I joined loveandfriends last night so still waiting to see what happens there.

A friend recommended, The Rules for Online Dating by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and my eyes have been opened to all mistakes I've been making e.g. a long 'heavy 'profile, initiating contact with guys, being too available by responding quickly to emails and Instant Messages, responding to 'smiles' which according to the authors involves no real effort on the man's part- merely a click of a button. He could send 'smiles' to scores of women

"You want man who reads your ad and writes you something, however short, and specific to you"

But what if no one I like is answering my ad, and I find or receive a 'smile/wink' from a guy whose profile is simply too good to be true. He is definitely my type in every way and I feel I just have to answer his ad?
Well the authors have said, even if this happens, ignore it!

"The man must initially feel a spark for a woman; the man must pursue the woman; and all men love a challenge. If you are answering a man's ad, you are not using any of these premises... answering a man's ad is to pursue a man..."

"If you write a light and breezy ad and post your best headshot and still don't get a lot of responses, just tell yourself it's not your time"

Sensible advice.

I know as Christians we are cautioned not to take 'worldly' advice, but such issues are never addressed in Christian circles. The occasional Singles seminar that are dedicated to bemoaning our unfortunate state.
Perhaps this is the reason why there are so many Single women in the Church?

I've been Single a long time, I don't want to be Single anymore and to be honest at this point I'll take any advice that works.

From now on I will be a 'Rules' girl!

A friend's wedding!

Bring Me To Life

I was watching MTV today and 'Bring me to Life' by Evanescence came on. It's got a really catchy guitar riff, and the vocals are beautiful.
I'm not sure who they were singing to (I don't even want to know really) but the song lyrics really resonated with me and I made it my prayer to God!

how can you see into my eyes like open doors,
leading you down into my core,
where i've become so numb.
without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold,
until you find it there and lead it back home.

wake me up inside,
wake me up inside,
call my name and save me from the dark.
bid my blood to run,
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become.
bring me to life

now that i know what i'm without,
you can't just leave me.
breathe into me and make me real.
bring me to life.

wake me up inside,
wake me up inside,
call my name and save me from the dark.
bid my blood to run,
before i come undone.
save me from the nothing i've become.
bring me to life.
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling,
only you are the life among the dead.
bring me to life.

wake me up inside,
wake me up inside,
call my name and save me from the dark.
bid my blood to run,
before i come undone.
save me from the nothing i've become.
bring me to life.
bring me to life.




First single from Evanescence multi-platinum debut album Fallen.

Thoughts on Bricks and Mortar!

When I bought 40% of my flat in 2005, I took out fixed rate mortgage for 2 years. The 2 years are almost up and I have to make a decision about what to do next

On 1 June 2007, the Government is introducing a new law in England and Wales which states that anyone selling a property must provide potential buyers with a set of documents providing important information about a property including energy efficiency, searches and evidence of title called a Home Information Pack. (HIP).The cost of a HIP is yet to be confirmed but figures mentioned in the press vary from £300 - £400

In order to escape paying the extra HIP costs, I would have to put the flat on the market before the 1June.

The flat was always a temporary thing- a way to get my foot on the property ladder. I determined from the start NOT to become attached to it. This wasn’t hard. It is tiny and has been built using inferior materials such as a cheap chipboard base and plaster board walls. The appliances that came with it such as the cooker, extractor fans, electric heaters and shower are dated and need replacing. Any changes I’ve made in the last couple of years, such as tiling the bathroom floor, have been very expensive.

So it would really be in my best interests to sell!

BUT am I in a position to do this?

The previous owner had owned the property for 3 years during which time it's value rose by 40% making him a profit of £22,000 when he sold it to me. I was hoping for something similar, but the property market has slowed down and value has only gone up by 5% in the last 2 years. Not worth selling for!
In addition to this, my sister who originally loaned me the 5% down payment when I first bought the property would be expecting me to repay her with interest and half the profits from the sale.

I have very little savings, which wouldn't even cover the solicitors fees - let alone other home selling related costs such as home staging, surveyors etc

It appears that I am stuck with the flat for a few more years!

I love my neighbourhood though! It’s quiet, clean, and safe. The nearest train station is only a 10 minute walk. After a busy day, it feels peaceful turning into my street which is lined with trees sporting pink and white blossoms! I love it!

Hopefully in another 2 years, property prices would have gone up and I'll be able to make a profit on the sale which I could then use as a deposit on the next property

I will also have saved up enough to move on.

Here's to hope!

Highlights from Easter Bank Holiday weekend

On Saturday I went for the recording of ITV 1's new reality show, Britains Got Talent! Through a stroke of good luck, I sat on the second row, so got a good shot of TV presenters Ant and Dec! It's going to be aired on TV on 14 June 2007, so I really need to figure out how my DVD recorder works by then!




On Sunday, Ngonzi and I dressed up as Easter Bunnies to go street skating from Hyde Park corner. We got pulled over at the beginning by the Marshals because our skating wasn't quite up to the standard. However, it wasn't all bad because we were given free skating tuition instead! Nice one!





On MondayI hooked up with my Kenyan friends and visited Leeds Castle in Kent. We had a picnic, then wandered around the castle and it's grounds! It was with wicked pleasure that I introduced my friends to the Maze! I told them to go in ahead of me, and head towards the grotto in the centre. They were understandably bewildered when it took them longer than they expected to get there! All those twists and turns! HAHAHA

It's a really beautiful place and the weather was lovely! They have all sorts of exotic birds on site, including the peacocks. I was privileged to get up close to one of these brilliant creatures

Amazing Grace

Last Thursday I watched ''Amazing Grace', a film about William Wilberforce - the man who was the driving force behind the Bill to abolish slavery in 1807. I was impressed by his dogged determination to fight for what was, in his time, an unpopular cause! God creates us for specific purposes, and Wilberforces' purpose was to crusade for the abolition of slave trade. It took him years to get that bill passed. At one point he'd given up in disillusionment, but his wife talked him into going for it again.

Made me think though. I don't have a 'Cause'!

Do I care PASSIONATELY about anything? Not really.

As a Christian, my Commission is to be a witness and make disciples for Jesus. Personally, I lean more towards Christian social action. Meaning, if I had to choose between giving my time and resources to either a Street Evangelism team or to Philanphropists who actively address the social needs in a community, it would definitely be the latter.

Occasionally I've been involved in projects to help Homeless people like the Crisis Shelter at Christmas, and recently as a Job Coach in the Business Action on Homelessness programme that helps them get back into work. I don't feel I am doing enough though. Would like to do more...

One of my spiritual gifts is 'Acts of Service' and perhaps this is reason why Amazing Grace resonated so strongly within me. I am a 'Martha' and would go absolutely potty if I had to sit at the feet of Jesus like 'Mary' and do nothing!

But Martha was the one who was reprimanded by Jesus! I've always felt this was unfair. Do I hear a collective gasp as I dare to criticise our Saviour? I'm sorry but You wired me this way! You know what I'm like!

I've often wondered what Martha did after that. Did she turn the cooker off and say "Sod the meal I've been slaving away for hours to prepare!" Or did she go back into the kitchen and sulk about the lack of appreciation for her efforts (I know I would have)

I strongly believe that there is a place for Martha's and Mary's within the Body of Christ and the best combination would be for us to work together to proclaim the Kingdom of God through our actions and our words!

I think all Christians should watch Amazing Grace- not just because it is a great film, but to also be inspired!

As I was!