Interested would be nice, but you know what, I've resigned myself to the possibility that it might never happen.
So we go on our second 'last' date to the theatre. I was a bit apprehensive about meeting after the "Talk" and decided that the only way to deal with my feelings was to treat him as I would my brother Kagaba. They have similar personalities, so wouldn't be too difficult.
Besides, we're just good friends right? Right?
Mamma Mia is ok, in a mindless kind of way - crap plot, lousy singing but brilliant band!. During the interval, we sneaked a bottle of Rosè into the theatre. I couldn't stop giggling as we passed the rustling paper bag between us and at one point A leant over to say "I feel like a 'Wino'"
So far so good, this is going great. It's just like something I would do with my brother, except that with him, I wouldn't be conscious of our arms or legs brushing up against each other
"Kim, get a grip..he's a brother, absolute purity remember" Arggghghgh
Afterwards, we strolled down to Nelsons column, Trafalgar Square and just talked... Was Mr A staring at me in an "I-want-to-kiss-you" way or was I just imagining things? (I WAS tipsy)
ABSOLUTE PURITY, BROTHER, ABSOLUTE PURITY, KAGABA, PURITeeeeeeeeeee
He suddenly blurted out,
"I can't seem to make up my mind about whether I like you or not, I'm confused"
"Oh, that's just what a woman needs to hear... 'I'm confused about you'... How flattering" (sarcasm)
"I'm really sorry I said that Kim, How stupid of me!"
"Why did you have to bring this up now anyway. We were having such a good time, and you have to go and spoil it. YOU drew the line remember?... Awkward silence... 'Let's talk about something else, ok'
We gamely make a recovery, although the 'subject' was still hanging in the air between us
In a total reverse of affairs from the first "last" date, A wanted to meet up again - next week actually,
"Hmm, I'll check my diary, might be free Saturday... can I get back to you about that!"
BROTHER, ABSOLUTE PURITY, KAGABA... BROTHER
Monday, July 31, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
The 'Disciples'
I just realised that up to this point, my life must seem pretty pathetic - revolving around the elusive love life! There are lots of other things going on too.
For example, I am now one of the “Disciples” – a group of young St B’sters who meet regularly at the Mill pub. The ‘Disciples’ was started and is kept going by Mark. He is a short unassuming man with a heart of gold. I met him on the Alpha course, where he was facilitating our Alpha group. At first, I disliked him mainly because my sarcasm and play of 'Devil’s Advocate' were lost on him. Whereas most Anglicans, would get flustered with the kind of questions I asked, like after a particularly harrowing talk about the Crucifixion I asked in group,
“Why is everyone making such a big deal about Jesus death, he certainly wasn’t unique… other criminals were crucified too?”
Mark just smiled and said, “But Jesus was an innocent man”
“Yeah, well, innocent people get killed- I’m sure some of those criminals must have been innocent”
Marks’ response to my questions was always to smile, and patiently explain, and explain, and explain. He’s one of those rare people who will go on and on about the wonders of God, totally oblivious to his listeners hostility, sneers (my cringing) and open boredom. Bless him!
Well back the ‘Disciples’! Mark invited me along when I expressed my frustration at how hard it was to make friends at St B’s.
It wasn’t easy.
The first time I joined them, everyone else apart from Mark seemed a bit standoffish and acted like I’d invaded their territory. I thought to myself, ‘Tough, they’ll have to get used to having me around’, so I went the week after that, and after that until, RESULT! They remembered my name! I got phone numbers! Was added to the social mailing list! I thought to myself… ‘I’m IN!!!’
They are an okay bunch, (hey nobody’s perfect!) I guess my experience will help me to be more sensitive to new members, and dare I say, challenge the group to be more welcoming of them? After all, Mark can’t be everywhere at all times!
For example, I am now one of the “Disciples” – a group of young St B’sters who meet regularly at the Mill pub. The ‘Disciples’ was started and is kept going by Mark. He is a short unassuming man with a heart of gold. I met him on the Alpha course, where he was facilitating our Alpha group. At first, I disliked him mainly because my sarcasm and play of 'Devil’s Advocate' were lost on him. Whereas most Anglicans, would get flustered with the kind of questions I asked, like after a particularly harrowing talk about the Crucifixion I asked in group,
“Why is everyone making such a big deal about Jesus death, he certainly wasn’t unique… other criminals were crucified too?”
Mark just smiled and said, “But Jesus was an innocent man”
“Yeah, well, innocent people get killed- I’m sure some of those criminals must have been innocent”
Marks’ response to my questions was always to smile, and patiently explain, and explain, and explain. He’s one of those rare people who will go on and on about the wonders of God, totally oblivious to his listeners hostility, sneers (my cringing) and open boredom. Bless him!
Well back the ‘Disciples’! Mark invited me along when I expressed my frustration at how hard it was to make friends at St B’s.
It wasn’t easy.
The first time I joined them, everyone else apart from Mark seemed a bit standoffish and acted like I’d invaded their territory. I thought to myself, ‘Tough, they’ll have to get used to having me around’, so I went the week after that, and after that until, RESULT! They remembered my name! I got phone numbers! Was added to the social mailing list! I thought to myself… ‘I’m IN!!!’
They are an okay bunch, (hey nobody’s perfect!) I guess my experience will help me to be more sensitive to new members, and dare I say, challenge the group to be more welcoming of them? After all, Mark can’t be everywhere at all times!
Friday, July 21, 2006
Mr A... revisited- He's Just Not That In To You
So I've finally washed my hands of Mr A. Despite incessant thoughts, I firmly tell myself that I won't contact him even if it is kills me.
I'm doing so well... until a week later, I receive a text from him asking whether I would like meet up?!
All resolve drains away... I'm such a weakling!
Of course I want to meet up? We agree on a date - Theatre, next Friday. Feelings that I thought were suppressed come flooding back and I 'see' myself slipping into old behaviour patterns. Like sending him a text a couple of days later to say 'Hi!' He's more receptive this time, and we have a bit of 'text flirting' session - all the innuendo from my side because my mind is wired like that. Do I hear a collective gasp of horror from all you Christians - yes... I had sex on my mind!
In the evening I get a phone call from him that starts off... "Kim you know I'm very direct?"
Uh oh... here we go...
I don't remember his exact words but it was a version of the "I-just-want-to-be-friends" speech.
I recognise it. I've heard it several times before!
I tell him point blank that actually I was hoping for a bit more because I really like him. In my mind's eye I can just picture, my mom, sisters, Michelle McKinney Hammond wringing their hands and shouting "NOOOOOO! You NEVER tell a guy that you like him first!"
Oh SH*T! I just did! Cat's out of the bag now! I can't take the words back!
Somehow we get through the awkward conversation. He wonders whether I still want to meet up for theatre. I think, 'There's no point wasting good theatre tickets (yeah right... you liar Kim you. Secretly hoping that he may have changed his mind about you by then). Perhaps he's hoping I'd say no so that he can take someone else?
It really is the END then isn't it?
I go to my room, CRY and then pray! I am reminded of a verse
1 Timothy 5:1b 'Treat younger men as brothers... with absolute purity'
C'mon God! I can't do that - this man is seriously hot... plus he did admit to finding me quite sexy. Hmm... perhaps I can exploit that. I haven't had a good snog in 5 yearsHas it been that long????
2 Corinthians 10 - '...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.'
I'm doing so well... until a week later, I receive a text from him asking whether I would like meet up?!
All resolve drains away... I'm such a weakling!
Of course I want to meet up? We agree on a date - Theatre, next Friday. Feelings that I thought were suppressed come flooding back and I 'see' myself slipping into old behaviour patterns. Like sending him a text a couple of days later to say 'Hi!' He's more receptive this time, and we have a bit of 'text flirting' session - all the innuendo from my side because my mind is wired like that. Do I hear a collective gasp of horror from all you Christians - yes... I had sex on my mind!
In the evening I get a phone call from him that starts off... "Kim you know I'm very direct?"
Uh oh... here we go...
I don't remember his exact words but it was a version of the "I-just-want-to-be-friends" speech.
I recognise it. I've heard it several times before!
I tell him point blank that actually I was hoping for a bit more because I really like him. In my mind's eye I can just picture, my mom, sisters, Michelle McKinney Hammond wringing their hands and shouting "NOOOOOO! You NEVER tell a guy that you like him first!"
Oh SH*T! I just did! Cat's out of the bag now! I can't take the words back!
Somehow we get through the awkward conversation. He wonders whether I still want to meet up for theatre. I think, 'There's no point wasting good theatre tickets (yeah right... you liar Kim you. Secretly hoping that he may have changed his mind about you by then). Perhaps he's hoping I'd say no so that he can take someone else?
It really is the END then isn't it?
I go to my room, CRY and then pray! I am reminded of a verse
1 Timothy 5:1b 'Treat younger men as brothers... with absolute purity'
C'mon God! I can't do that - this man is seriously hot... plus he did admit to finding me quite sexy. Hmm... perhaps I can exploit that. I haven't had a good snog in 5 years
2 Corinthians 10 - '...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.'
That's impossible God! I don't have the strength nor desire to capture any thoughts!
Matt 19:26 "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
IT CAN'T GET MORE OBVIOUS THAN THAT, CAN IT?! Even God has spoken! (at least I believe He has)
Argghhh! Why can't things go my way for a change?
And why is Mr A, still sending me emails and text and acting like we never had the "TALK"?? And why does he want to meet up a whole hour and a half before the show? To recap on 'TALK'- just in case I missed the salient points?
OK! OK ! I GET IT! YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED! I GET IT!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Final Episode of 'Non-Sex' in the City
A wise friend of mine once said “Tosindika ebitakugenda!!” (Don’t force things that don’t move)
I decided go out for a ‘final date’ with Mr A tonight. My original plan was to go ‘cold turkey’- break off all contact - stop emailing, texting altogether.
After a lot of thought, I decided to run with Plan B, as the former would have left the guy in considerable confusion about my sudden rudeness and would make for a really awkward situation if we were ever to bump into each other again. It's better for things to gradually fade away..........
The date went well – watched an unexciting movie! He suggested drinks at wine bar. So headed out there, made idle chitchat – time flew! As we were leaving, we exchanged the usual polite courtesies; “It was a nice evening” “Enjoyed myself”
The suggestion for another date was conspicuous by its absence!
Then Good Bye! A brief back rub hug!
‘The End’
Credits roll!
I decided go out for a ‘final date’ with Mr A tonight. My original plan was to go ‘cold turkey’- break off all contact - stop emailing, texting altogether.
After a lot of thought, I decided to run with Plan B, as the former would have left the guy in considerable confusion about my sudden rudeness and would make for a really awkward situation if we were ever to bump into each other again. It's better for things to gradually fade away..........
The date went well – watched an unexciting movie! He suggested drinks at wine bar. So headed out there, made idle chitchat – time flew! As we were leaving, we exchanged the usual polite courtesies; “It was a nice evening” “Enjoyed myself”
The suggestion for another date was conspicuous by its absence!
Then Good Bye! A brief back rub hug!
‘The End’
Credits roll!
Kim……………………………. Kimuli
Mr A…………………………… Alastair
Wise friends and confidantes…………………….. Afia, Shifa, Ngonzi, Nyaki, Yati, Trudy, Sheila,
Polite listeners who didn’t really give a sh*t……… work colleagues, cell group members
All in all, it’s been a good episode and has provided enough material for the blog!
Now I’m off in search for my next story…
Monday, July 10, 2006
Mr A... Revolutions
Just received a text from Mr A, "Hi Kim Still up for Tuesday?"
Kim, (YES! YES! YES!) but calmly says 'Yes! Where and what time?'
Silence...
Perhaps I should have given it more of a delay period before I replied!
Kim, (YES! YES! YES!) but calmly says 'Yes! Where and what time?'
Silence...
Perhaps I should have given it more of a delay period before I replied!
Mr A... Reloaded
You probably think that I’ve been too busy to update the blog, spending loads of time with Mr A, on numerous dates, getting to know each other? You know? The kind of things that people do when they are excited about each other?
Far from it! This whole business with Mr A has been an emotional ride!
So much energy has been expended, worrying, fantasizing, planning, worrying, talking about him and receiving advice from friends…
And such conflicting advice!
After date with Mr A, he sent me a message to say he had lots of fun... "Let's do it again."
Very open ended, vague – polite
Advice from friend was, “Kim he likes you, set up a definite second date”
So I did. I sent him an email suggesting that we watch a film on 7 July
Silence for 3 days
Email from him saying, “Work's been hectic. Good idea, but 7th is not convenient, how about the 11th or 23rd?”
11th it is then!
Silence…
I meet up with friend over the weekend who says, “Kim, you should be a bit more open to him about your feelings.”
On Monday, I send him a text saying ‘hello’.
Silence…
In the evening, a text from him saying hello back!
A late night chat with another friend! “Kim you got it all wrong! You should NEVER chase a guy. HE should have been the one who suggested the date. Never send him emails or text messages, except in response to the ones HE sends you. My advice to you is to cancel 11 July date, tell him something came up, and then WAIT for him to contact you and arrange something”
Another friend, “Okay it’s obvious he is not interested (Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out) But don’t cancel the date. Keep him as a friend – he may have other friends”
I’ve thought it through, with the help of my old friend, Michelle McKinney Hammond. She is an African American woman who specialises in Single Christian matters, and has written a variety of books on the subject like ‘If Singleness is a Gift, What's The Return Policy', ‘What to Do Until Love Finds You’ and of course, the MANUAL, ‘Secrets of an Irresistible Woman ’
In the ‘Mind Your Own Business’ chapter of this book, Michelle says,
‘Notice I said that he finds you. Yes indeed! My Bible tells me, “When a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing” (see Proverbs 18:22). This always was, and always will be, the perfect order of a relationship because it is a spiritual law….
Let’s face it – men never appreciate anything they didn’t have to work for to get. The spirit of conquest is in the heart of every man…Men reverence that which is hard earned. God wanted women to be appreciated in the same way. This would ensure that we receive the special treatment He knew we deserved. The only way to make certain this happened was to establish specific rules in the game of love. So relax – take a seat behind the end zone and let him come and get you.’
It’s obvious really! I’ve blown it with Mr A, (like I ever had a chance in the first place)
He HAS been rather passive.
The problem now is this…
Will I cope being ‘just friends’ with this guy?
Should I protect my heart and sever all ties with him having crossed an emotional line?
Should I cancel the date, knowing that I’ll never see him again socially?
Far from it! This whole business with Mr A has been an emotional ride!
So much energy has been expended, worrying, fantasizing, planning, worrying, talking about him and receiving advice from friends…
And such conflicting advice!
After date with Mr A, he sent me a message to say he had lots of fun... "Let's do it again."
Very open ended, vague – polite
Advice from friend was, “Kim he likes you, set up a definite second date”
So I did. I sent him an email suggesting that we watch a film on 7 July
Silence for 3 days
Email from him saying, “Work's been hectic. Good idea, but 7th is not convenient, how about the 11th or 23rd?”
11th it is then!
Silence…
I meet up with friend over the weekend who says, “Kim, you should be a bit more open to him about your feelings.”
On Monday, I send him a text saying ‘hello’.
Silence…
In the evening, a text from him saying hello back!
A late night chat with another friend! “Kim you got it all wrong! You should NEVER chase a guy. HE should have been the one who suggested the date. Never send him emails or text messages, except in response to the ones HE sends you. My advice to you is to cancel 11 July date, tell him something came up, and then WAIT for him to contact you and arrange something”
Another friend, “Okay it’s obvious he is not interested (Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out) But don’t cancel the date. Keep him as a friend – he may have other friends”
I’ve thought it through, with the help of my old friend, Michelle McKinney Hammond. She is an African American woman who specialises in Single Christian matters, and has written a variety of books on the subject like ‘If Singleness is a Gift, What's The Return Policy', ‘What to Do Until Love Finds You’ and of course, the MANUAL, ‘Secrets of an Irresistible Woman ’
In the ‘Mind Your Own Business’ chapter of this book, Michelle says,
‘Notice I said that he finds you. Yes indeed! My Bible tells me, “When a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing” (see Proverbs 18:22). This always was, and always will be, the perfect order of a relationship because it is a spiritual law….
Let’s face it – men never appreciate anything they didn’t have to work for to get. The spirit of conquest is in the heart of every man…Men reverence that which is hard earned. God wanted women to be appreciated in the same way. This would ensure that we receive the special treatment He knew we deserved. The only way to make certain this happened was to establish specific rules in the game of love. So relax – take a seat behind the end zone and let him come and get you.’
It’s obvious really! I’ve blown it with Mr A, (like I ever had a chance in the first place)
He HAS been rather passive.
The problem now is this…
Will I cope being ‘just friends’ with this guy?
Should I protect my heart and sever all ties with him having crossed an emotional line?
Should I cancel the date, knowing that I’ll never see him again socially?
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