Matchmaker Matchmaker make me a match

I'll be the first to admit that I'm pretty crap at this 'guy stuff' and need all the help I can get. One of my friends, Emily has been trying to set me up since we were at University. She fancies herself a bit of a matchmaker and calls me up at least once a month, to tell me that she's found me yet another 'perfect match'. Usually nice guys, but just not my 'type' (one time even the guy was gay).


And whenever I make a new guy friend, Emily is always the first to urge me to move the friendship to another level "After all... you enjoy his company so you are halfway there." She obviously hasn't caught on to the fact that guys I fancy NEVER make it to the 'buddy category'.


For a close friend, I don't understand how Emily can get it so wrong. At the moment she's convinced that what I really need is a serious, intelligent older man (YAWN)


Earlier in the month, I invited my friend B to her house party and true to form she decided that we were perfect for each other. Never mind I barely spoke to him for most of that party - we don't have a lot to say to each other. I laughed it off at the time, but when she kept bringing it up in every conversation it stopped being funny. Apparently, I'm too picky. Don’t get me wrong. he is a nice guy, good looking too. But there is just no chemistry and our interests do not intersect at all. Yesterday we went to the British Museum together. As soon as we entered the main exhibition, he wandered off on his own. I was a bit confused. After all, if someone invites you out to a museum or art gallery surely it is to share the experience. I tried to engage him in conversation about the artefacts, but he was clearly not interested. I might as well have gone on my own. Just as I was working out an exit strategy, Yati showed up with 'S'. Things got much better from then. We managed to shake 'B' off and had a great afternoon together.


I was very impressed with S


Yati has been wanting to introduce S and me for ages. She said he was my type, we'd get along, I'd really like him etc. I've been putting it off because after Emily's matchmaking efforts, I am reluctant to meet anyone recommended by friends. I should have trusted the fact that Yati lived with me for 3 years and knows me better than anyone else. She's nailed this one! From the fact that he’s a Christian, to the height, build, personality, age, interests, looks, a touch of political incorrectness… At least one friend listens to me!! In a way S reminds me of ‘A’ (another guy that I had a MA-HOO-SSIVE crush on a couple of years ago). I was so into him that I literally threw myself at him, and was firmly rebuffed! Won't be making that mistake again. Hmm, how am I going to do this!

Rugby Sevens

On Saturday, courtesy of my new friend Ruby, I went to watch the Emirates Rugby Sevens at Twickenham Stadium She got free hospitality box tickets through the company she works for.

Rugby Sevens is an International event and is made up of teams of seven, playing short 14 minute matches. The last time I watched a live rugby game was in Uganda – over 10 years ago, so was really excited. I just love Rugby players. Especially No 12 England team Chris Cracknell who has a fantastic body! On the Rugby Football Union website, he is listed as ‘Unattached’. I know, it probably means that he is not tied to any Rugby team, but one can hope…

Ruby and I met up at Richmond station. As the advertised free bus shuttle service was not running, we walked to the Stadium. On the way, she smoked a joint. I didn’t realise it then, but must have inhaled quite a bit (keep this in mind, will come back to this later)

The atmosphere in the stadium was electric. There was a large Kenyan turn out to support Kenya team. The Southern stand was full of them – colourful and loud. Ruby and I went over to soak in the atmosphere. The Kenya team did really well winning 2 out of 3 games. They only lost (with dignity) to Fiji which is a superior rugby team anyway
.
Then there was the England team. Each time they came on the cheer leaders would stand in parade waving England flags. There’d be a flash of smoke and pyrotechnics and the commentator would shout “Here's what you've all been waiting for....WELCOME YOUR TEAM” The crowd went wild. I screamed myself hoarse – for Kenya, England, and South Africa.

Throughout the day, I had a splitting headache – I’ve never experienced such intense pain. I realised I must be suffering from the side effects of that smoke I inhaled in the morning. Second-hand skunk smoke is bad for you. Next time Ruby lights up –I will distance myself, put a wet cloth over my mouth and nose! I never want to go through that again. Terrible

Being Posh

Yesterday, my friend Julius sent me a text message asking whether I was free for ‘proggy’, a private art exhibition at a gallery in Mayfair.

The artist Pip Mcgarry  is 'one of the Europe’s leading wild life artists with an international reputation for his oil paintings of big cats and African game'. He recently sold a painting at Christies for a record £29,300 – so serious art there!! He was auctioning off a couple of pieces; the proceeds going to the charity Five Talents (UK) who organised the event.

I must admit I was a bit apprehensive. My preconception of Art Exhibitions is that they are ‘snobby’ affairs where a bunch of rich people stand around, drinking free wine and saying ‘Yah, Astounding! Yah, Spiffing”. Not really my scene. Plus I was going straight from work and concerned that I may not be dressed for the occasion in my sweater and cowboy boots. What if the women were wearing evening gowns? I didn’t want to embarrass Julius. He assured me that I was okay.

“I’ve been to these functions before. You’ll fit in just fine’

When we got there, the first person I saw was the photographer. A couple of years ago I went on a blind date with him, and we really hit it off. He sent me an email afterwards declaring his love yada yada yada. Not long after, we went on a disastrous second date (for some reason didn’t stay in touch...) Yesterday, he couldn’t even remember my name (so much for love eh) “Which one were you? The Gemini?”No doubt the story of ‘The Gemini’ has been filed away in his repertoire of dating disasters. Well in mine he is under ‘Infantile photographer facing mid life crisis’ HAH!

Julius was schmoozing, so I grabbed a glass of wine and walked around the gallery. The art is good. I really liked this one of the elephants at a watering hole called 'Savute Evening' . It almost looks like a photograph and not an oil painting.

I met another woman who'd tagged along and discovered that we have a lot in common. She works with my organisation and yeah,

She was also there for the food

And the food- cucumber sandwiches yeurggh!

An Awkward Moment

As it was M’s birthday, a bunch of us went to the old White Lion pub, a favourite haunt with St B’s youth. By the time I got there M, was drunk. I’ve never seen him drunk. It was hilarious.

Stu and I were exchanging our usual playful banter.

Slight explanation: - I love Stu – and I’m pretty sure he loves me- as a brother. Ok not so sure about the ‘brother’ bit. Lately he’s always grabbing my ass. (It’s a nice ass, if I should say so

 myself ;-P) The last incident I moved his hands to my waist saying; -
“NOT there, HERE”
His explanation was “Sorry…my hands slipped!”
Yeah right!! Hands slipped! Original!

Okay, so back to the pub. Across the table, I noticed Rob studying us. He nudged Hannah and whispered something to her.
Then they both turned to us deliberately
“Guys we’ve decided that the two of you should get married”

This is what is called An Awkward Moment

There was a hush at the table. I was thinking 'what the f*@K! M is sitting right next to Rob. You idiot, you are blowing my CHANCES man! (All this in the space of a second) I frantically searched for a response – no help from Stu there.

When Bianca piped up with, “Why do you say that Rob? Is it because they are Black?”, I grabbed on to it like a drowning man- ,

“Hey, that’s our line! You just stole my line! I’m supposed to say that”

Every one laughed and the moment was broken.
Hmm! I hope it doesn’t come up again.

Neighbours, a car and a lesson in Grace

I don't know whether I have mentioned before that I have pretty amazing neighbours - Ros and Jon. I learnt that they moved onto my road in February this year when a mutual friend sent an email to introduce us to each other.

Ros and Jon are really quite brilliant. They blow every misconception that some of us Blacks have of ‘White People.’ Where do we get this idea that all ‘White People’ are cold with ‘Etiima’ (in my language this loosely translates to ‘heartless’); sticklers for rules at the cost of relationshi- selfish ‘…putting their elderly parents in Retirement homes!’

Perhaps I shouldn’t generalise. Not ALL Blacks feel this way about 'White People' – maybe it’s only the ones I talk to. 'White People' stories (almost always the nasty experiences) end in ‘trademark’ punch line…

“White People! Hah!!” (Note, not the short sharp ‘Hah!’, but the long drawn out ‘Haaaaaaah”)
The listeners (black) usually respond with a chorus of understanding, “Mmhmms!!!” knowing looks and sniggers all around.

The same people, when I tell them about an act of kindness that a friend has done for me, will ask first,
“What a nice person. White or black?”
“Black” will get little reaction. Say “White” – and it's like they've been stung by a bee, a sharp intake of breath and if they are Nigerian you might even get “Ah Ah!!! – slap the leg – “You’re joking me!!!”

When Ros and Jon found out that it takes me about an hour and a half to get to church on Sunday mornings by bus, they offered me the use of their second car for the weekends. They wouldn’t even let me pay for the extra cost of insurance insisting that it was a gift - their way of blessing me. But not wanting to abuse this privilege, every Sunday before I return it, I wash, wax and refuel the car.

When I got home last Friday, I found that they’d dropped the car off as usual and left a message with my sister to tell me that the petrol tank was full and there's no need for me to put in anymore. 

This car thing has got me thinking about my relationship with God and my response to grace. Ros and Jon, like God, have given me a free gift, and don’t expect anything in return for it. And yet against their express wishes and assurances I continue trying to earn the privilege - fearing that it might get withdrawn if I don’t show enough appreciation. 

Isn’t it frustrating when you give someone a gift, that where a simple 'thank you' would have sufficed, that person overdoes the ‘appreciation thing’! This attitude questions the character of the Giver, of the friendship and just kills the whole pleasure of giving!

But let me remove the plank from my own eye before I start pointing out the splinter in others. I know I still haven’t learnt how to receive grace and as a result, I am not growing in my relationship with God. How can I when I insist on behaving like a servant and not a friend?

I reckon the reason why people reject the gospel is because of society’s inbuilt scepticism that makes us meet kindness with suspicion

‘There's nothing-like-a-free-lunch’ 

“It can’t possibly be free"
"What’s the catch?"

Sound familiar?

Perhaps we all need neighbours like Ros and Jo to teach us what grace means!