Is Jesus the answer?

There’s someone I know whose behavioural pattern is on a downward spiral. He is drowning in credit card debt, has no permanent home, a dead end job, a son he can’t relate to, a string of failed relationships…

A close friend is considering leaving her husband of 2 years. They are from opposite ends of the social stratum; she is a doctor, he is/was a rubbish collector. When they met, she thought she could inspire him to pursue a career as a chef, and for a while he went along with it. But after 2 years of being in and out of jobs, he is now unemployed. He hates chef work and has recently been diagnosed with epilepsy and now considers himself ‘disabled’. He shows no sign of wanting to work, stays at home all day, and when she comes home tired from a long shift at the hospital, their bed is unmade; there are still dishes in the sink. She is wondering whether she made a big mistake marrying this guy. “I want a man who can look after me. A man who has ambition... he isn’t that man”...

A work colleague has been diagnosed with an illness, which means she has to take steroids to control it. These affect her moods and make her extremely ill tempered and depressed. She is in her mid 30’s, from a culture where if you are still single at that age, you are despised. Because she is unmarried, it falls to her to shoulder the responsibility of looking after her elderly and sick mother. She has no life of her own, is frustrated, “I just want to fly away, just get away from this place…”

And then there’s me. Floating along in life with no purpose or direction, LONELY, unable to form close relationships due to a fear of being vulnerable and of rejection.
Disappointed that after 18 years this ‘ personal relationship with Jesus’ hasn’t yet materialised. I cast off the yoke of religious ritual which had proved futile in getting close to God, so that I could embrace him. And now it seems I exchanged one set of rituals for another. It seems to me that the only way to get close to God is to die and be with him.

Is Jesus the answer?

Last weekend I treated myself to a day out at Madame Tussaud’s. I’ve been keeping close tabs on my expenditure this month – writing down everything I spend. But as I was feeling so low all week after the disastrous interview, I thought, ‘Sod it! I’ll indulge and spend £25 pounds on myself.”
I had a ‘buy one get one free ticket’ voucher and asked little Ollie to hang out with me. This was quite handy because he brought along his camera and acted as my photographer. Some of the wax works were really lifelike e.g. Samuel L Jackson and the Queen. Others weren’t so good, like Will Smith. There were too many women lining up to take a picture of the George Clooney holding their hand and gazing into their eyes, so missed out on that one. Angelina and Brad also had a long queue. I took pictures with Morgan Freeman, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Shirley Bassey, Justin Timberlake, Robbie Williams, Tiger Woods, Charles Dickens and Mr T. We couldn’t get into the Chamber of Horrors because they asked for an extra £3, which I thought was quite cheeky. The last ride was called the ‘Spirit of London’ where you sit in little taxis and go slowly around a mini roller coaster through waxworks depicting the history of London from Queen Victoria times todate. As you come out the ride a camera flashes and takes a photo - I came out looking very dark and bewildered (the lighting is never any good for us dark people).
We had lunch at Pizza Express courtesy of another buy one get one free meal voucher. Then we took a stroll through Regents Park, Freize Art Festival’s sculpture garden. Ollie kept referring to it as crap, saying that the money could have been better spent on people in the Third World who really need it… but he likes the Tate Modern art gallery?? which in my opinion is no different.

The skull was made from recycled tin cans. In the other photo, a reluctant Ollie forced to pose with a sculpture. Such enthusiasm! We rounded off the day at Hillsong London which was ok… it was the usual Hillsong. My little friend was impressed with the technical side of things, e.g. the lighting and visuals. But like me, thought that the sound mix was terrible – couldn’t really hear the vocals over the loud instruments. Also the sound engineer could have had less volume on the kick drum during the quiet ministry moments. The sermon was good because it talked about the Law, and how Jesus fulfilled it for us already. A timely reminder!

Tough Interview

On Friday I had an interview for a job as a trainee Internal Auditor.

I haven’t had an interview in ages, so was cacking it all week! I took 3 days off to buy an outfit, get my hair sorted and have a mock interview with Jeff! "You've got the job!", he said!
I couldn’t even go for my Home group or band practice because was really nervous!

To say it was a tough interview is a bit of an understatement. The only positive thing is that one of the guys on the panel had a nice smile, and genuinely seemed to want to help me during the interview by rephrasing questions.
On reflection, I guess there were too many rephrased questions, and on my part, vague, unspecific answers which does not bode well. They liked me, but I could sense a certain disappointment as I did not give them the answers they were looking for!

Now all I need to do is put it far from my mind! Instead I keep replaying the interview over and over again, chastising myself for not saying this or that! When friends ask me about it, I give a non-committal answer, however, if they keep pressing for more information, the tears start rolling!

Change the topic then!

I do not look forward to the interview results.

Electronic Misadventure

It all started when my mobile, Nokia 6630 fell in the toilet! Okay, that was my fault – I mean who puts their mobile in the back pocket! It was destroyed. At the time I wasn't particularly bothered. I have a spare Nokia 3310, which I use when travelling abroad. It’s nothing fancy and usually quite reliable. This time though it hs let me down. It won’t even charge.
Fortunately for me, my sister had left her spare Nokia 6030 at my house by mistake and I…ehem… appropriated it for my own use! You can imagine the horror I felt when last weekend, as I was about to cross a busy main road, it slipped out of my hands and fell right onto the road! I stood by in utter helplessness as first a car went by- missing it by a fraction. There was a short interval in the traffic, a brief flicker of hope…it just might make it… only to be crushed when the next car just smashed it. Ohhhhh!!!!!
My sister took pity on me and gave me her other spare phone, Samsung SGH – D500 with instructions that I had to be extra careful with this one because it had precious photos and valuable contact information on it.
“I will guard it with my life!” I vowed earnestly.
This morning, as I was sending a text message, the screen froze and WENT BLANK! It has REFUSED to go back to normal. Even when I switch it on and off, take out the battery.... nothing, NADA, NIENTE!!!

I think it has died!! What am I going to tell my sister!!!

And it isn't just the phones! My office laptop is to be replaced for the 3rd time this year!!! When the IT guy attempted to rebuild it, there was a server/user name conflict, which he has been unable to resolve. 2 weeks no laptop. This laptop at home, after it has had enough (30 minutes), freezes. Ctrl-Alt-Del has no effect...in fact that freezes too!!!I am always rebooting it! It also does not like the new Facebook format!

The lens on my beloved Canon IXUS 800 IS camera has started malfunctioning too. Either it doesn’t focus at all, or if it does, when I take a photo, it comes out as over exposed or with white lines going through it!

I am wondering. Is this an attack of the enemy to get me down? I’ve got to admit, I am feeling quite frustrated. It isn’t funny anymore!
Or is there something about me that is causing these electronic things to act up around me. Granted with the mobiles, my clumsiness played a part, but the non-charging of one, and freezing of the other??? How do I explain that?
A former colleague who was into Eastern stuff told me that my computer was acting up because according to Feng Shui, it was affected by my mood and I needed to calm down! I was in a particularly bad mood that day.
I don’t know much about Feng Shui, and have always dismissed it as superstitious nonsense. Perhaps I should read up on it although the whole 'energy' thing freaks me out… but now I am thinking, is what is happening to my electrical equipment a reflection of the negative nervous emotional state within? This morning I was feeling emotionally drained. I only got a couple of hours sleep because I’ve come down with a cold and nose was bunged up. I was also crying a lot because of a discussion I had had with a non-Christian friend that evening, who has closed his heart and mind to God. And then the phone stopped working. Any connection there?

Can an inanimate object be affected by my moods?