Refusing to Choose

I’m so OVER the fancy dress group phase. It was fun; I met some nice people and will keep in touch with a few (I’m guessing also that the real reason is that due to weight gain I can’t afford costumes anymore - all the cheap ones come in smaller sizes…). Last weekend I was invited to a few parties and an impromptu barbeque, but I wasn’t feeling them and opted to stay in. Yeah I know… shocker!

I’m just not interested anymore

My psychiatrist penpal said that I sound like a ‘scanner’. Scanners are people who have diverse and multiple interests and find it hard to create a successful life that they love because their passions and abilities take them in so many different directions.
She recommended ‘Refuse to Choose -A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything That You Love’ by Barbara Sher. I read an excerpt from the book which listed some phrases typically used by Scanners. A few of these really resonated like
“I can never stick to anything."
"I lose interest in things I thought would interest me forever."
"I get bored as soon as I know how to do something."
"I can't stand to do anything twice."
"I think everyone's put on this earth to do something; everyone but me, that is."
"I can't pay attention unless I'm doing many things at once."
"I'll never be an expert in anything. I feel like I'm always in a survey class."

In the last 2 years, I’ve backpacked, studied Italian, taken Salsa classes, challenged myself to read through all the Sci fi/Fantasy books in my local library so that I could become a 'critique', currently working my way through Terry Pratchett, learnt how to do sound mixing, became an editor

I'm really looking forward to reading this book. According to the blurb, Sher has developed dozens of powerful techniques to free people from goal paralysis and readers will stop thinking of themselves as dabblers or dilettantes, and find innovative ways to live lives of variety, challenge and joy.

It’s amazing how freeing it is to know that I don’t need to exhaust my energy fretting about finding the ‘one thing’ God has called to do. It's kind of like the time I discovered I didn't have to spend my life trying to earn 'brownie' points with God to earn his love. You can't earn what you already have. Real eye opener that!

I’m also looking at my job through totally different eyes. It has ceased to be just a place where I mark time until I 'discover' myself. I can focus on the positives like how it gives me work/life balance through flexible working and 30 days annual leave a year. I’m free to indulge my scanner nature on other diverse pursuits. I already do this, but now I can do so without the burden of guilt associated with my lack of ‘career ambition’

The beautiful people

I like watching Ugly Betty. It is entertainment that doesn’t stretch the brain. It is an American sit com based in New York and revolves around Betty Suarez, unglamorous and good-natured girl who works in an uber-chic fashion magazine Mode. I wouldn’t say she was ugly although she’s got thick dark hair, wears large pink glasses, braces and some very odd clothes.
In last week’s episode, Betty goes to great lengths to win the affections of her musician neighbour, Jesse. She throws an exclusive Mode after party on her apartment’s roof so that his band can play ‘and get exposure’. Unfortunately, after the party she is crushed when she walks in on him snogging her glamorous room mate Amanda. Amanda wasn't aware that Betty had a crush on the guy. In the aftermath, when they are talking over things, Amanda comments wistfully

"You know you're lucky Betty. When someone falls in love with you, it's real. I never had that. I never know if I'm loved for who I am or because I'm so pretty. "

Funny that...

Mia, St B’s latest ‘hot’ new convert (all the guys are going gaga over her) echoed the same sentiment. She said she wanted to settle down and get married, but claims she is sick of guys just looking at her pretty face, and not really taking the time to know her as a person

I’m normally cynical about pretty people feeling sorry for themselves. After all their good looks open doors for them, people accommodate them and make allowances for their faults, and they have confidence that stems from being popular and always having their way. In the game of life, the odds are stacked much higher in their favour compared to us plainer folk.

My sister once invited a former beauty queen to spend Christmas with our family. She was former Miss California, or was it Miss Teen California – I forget… not relevant…she was very beautiful. My family relates to house-guests along the lines of a Kiswahili saying that goes: 'Mgeni siku mbili; siku ya tatu mpe jembe', which literally translates as ' Visitor for two days; on the third day give him/her a hoe'; so when I showed up for Christmas lunch, and she greeted me with,

“Kim! You’re here! Now you can make me some Earl grey tea. Your sister here has been drinking coffee all day”, I led her to the kitchen, pointed out the kettle, tea bags and sugar and told her “I have mine with milk and two sugars, Thanks!” Shock. She was accustomed to people always doing things for her, but when she left a week later she told me that it was refreshing to be treated like a normal person for a change.

I admit that I have double standards. Just last weekend, I was at a salsa club eye-balling this gorgeous German guy on the dance floor. He was tall, had lovely features, great body, BUT was a lousy dancer. I mean he was lacking basic rhythm and in salsa where a man has to lead, it is kind of IMPORTANT. Despite this, a lot of women approached him for dances. To my shame, so did I – he was just so cute. One wonders, had he been ugly, would anyone have danced with him?

There was a point to this post, but I've lost my thread. Perhaps we should spare a thought and have some sympathy for the pretty people among us. I'll find it somewhere. What do you think? Should we feel sorry for the pretty people of the world? Are you perhaps a pretty person and would like to share your experience with us?

Dull Christians

I’ve been pondering on a recent conversation I had with my friends on our Girls night last Friday about why we are finding it difficult to socialise with fellow Christians.
The reason given was that, “Christians are dull”… But are we really?

Having lived between 2 extremes (from having only Christian friends, to having none at all) I have observed that the Christian parties I’ve attended have not been that different from non-Christian parties. Perhaps in the former, there is less innuendo, fewer swear words, no drugs, and everyone makes an effort to be ‘nice’.
These aren’t ‘deal breakers’.

Looking around at the girls I noticed that we were all single, independent women in our early 30’s… Could this be the reason why we find Christians dull?
Let's break it down even further. Isn't it more that we find Christian men dull?

In the Church, there are a lot of timid, socially awkward men who never take any risks – particularly in relationships. I heard once that the guys in Hillsong church London have been instructed by their pastors not to even hug woman, or ask them out on dates just in case she get’s the wrong idea....probably want to start a relationship... uh oh… she’s over 30…so biological clock is ticking… wants babies… marriage… I’m not ready for commitment… she’s not even perfect….surely she should look like (insert whatever hot celebrity they’ve been fantasizing about that particular week) and still act like Mother Theresa…HYPERVENTILATE

I know what you’re thinking girls… it’s just a coffee right?

On the other hand, the non Christian men that we meet at parties, flirt with you (which girl is impervious to a bit of flirting), shower you with compliments and generally make you feel sexy. You don't feel like a social pariah just because you are over 30. Granted, sometimes it does cross the line into sleaziness which is not pleasant... but most of the time it’s light hearted and fun!

Hmm let's think about this for a second.
Christian party- guy acts like he's got something stuck up his arse, carefully weighs everything he says to you, doesn't pay any compliments
Non-christian party - flirts with you and is fun.
I know where I would choose to be

Into Gay Territory

Yesterday, Giulia and I headed to the West End in search of a bar for drinks. I wasn’t in the mood to be hassled by guys, so we decided on Compton’s – a gay bar on Old Compton street in Soho. It’s one of those classic old fashioned looking bars. The bar staff serve really quickly. When we walked in, everyone looked up and I whispered to Giulia, “Are you sure it’s alright for us to come in here?”

Yes, I know, it’s a gay bar but no women in sight. How come gay bars only ever have men?

The DJ in the back was playing ‘wicked’ tracks, and we spotted a Japanese couple gyrating on the raised section behind him. We joined them. It wasn't long before we were surrounded by other guys. They were all friendly, introduced themselves (Ray, Chris, Mohammed) and danced flirtatiously with us. That’s what I like about gay bars –you’ll have a good time and won’t have to worry about sleazy advances.

Or so I thought.

Mohammed it turns out is not gay.

“I thought you were supposed to be gay?”,

“I really like you, let’s go to my place afterwards”

“Nah, man I came to dance. Let’s just have fun here ok”

What are the chances eh? I go to a gay bar and still get hit on?

At 10.30, the bar closed and we spent some time chatting outside with our new friends. Ray is from New Zealand and was listing all the best gay clubs in London. Chris, from USA, had introduced himself as an “alcoholic” and then burst into high pitched laughter. I replied “That’s funny, and then not.” He is really into music and as a hobby mixes tracks which he gives to DJ’s to play in clubs. Mohammed on realising that he was not going to get any action from me left. Giulia lost her phone, so Chris offered to check on his laptop for her mobile operator’s website so she could report it stolen. Ku bar, which has a free Wi-Fi connection, was still open. And so it came to be that I was in the basement of Ku bar, hanging out with a bunch of gay men, on a Sunday night. Chris and I ogled the bar and waiting staff who were topless - big shoulders, waxed chests, tapered waists, six-packs. Mmm. I remarked, “For the job interview, they probably just had to take their shirts off” Chris pulled up his shirt to reveal his skinny chest. “What are my chances?” I burst out laughing.
A really good evening I think Giulia and I have decided to explore the gay scene a bit more.

Another thing about gay clubs –no queue in the ladies toilets! Nuff said!