What I did over Easter- part 1

A couple of weeks ago, I suggested to my friend Freddie that on Easter Sunday it would be great to drive out to the countryside (in his nice new car) and go hiking. Shortly after we’d made the plans, I realised that I don’t have any hiking gear. I couldn’t call and cancel on Freddie, because well... it was MY idea in the first place; he’d been so enthusiastic about it and had already started planning the trip. He also invited his mom, Inga, who is visiting from Sweden to join us – and she was excited. Then I just had to go mention it to my friend Beth who asked if she could tag along…

Well… just couldn’t disappoint all those people!

So when on the News the weather girl announced with a smile that it would be a cold wet windy Easter weekend, I could have kissed my TV screen in delight. Freddie sent a text amending the plans to pub lunch, safari drive in Longleat and maybe Bath- no hiking! I was ecstatic and I’m pretty sure at some point shouted Halleluiah!

Sunday dawned, and off we drove towards Somerset. We stopped off and had a look around Old Sarum, where you can find the ruins of a palace built by William the Conqueror in 1069. This is an aerial view of Old Sarum

We’d planned to stop at Stonehenge, but because of traffic we were running late for our booked pub lunch. Freddie even had to phone them using his car phone to push reservation back by an hour. He dialled the number on the dashboard and then the speakers of the car started ringing - like a wireless phone- I was suitably impressed!

Now I like hanging out with Freddie but here’s the thing. He earns bucket loads of money – compared to me at least, and he assumes that every one has the same amount of disposable income. He’d booked lunch in a nice but expensive pub, the Bath Arms in Longleat at £25 per head! That’s 2 weeks of my grocery allowance!!! I’d withdrawn £20 that morning with the intention of using £10, so suddenly lunch didn’t seem like a good prospect any more. The cheaper option was £19.50 and Beth who is just as poor as me, was studiously avoiding my gaze. Freddie is my friend, but not THAT good a friend, so couldn’t borrow money off him. To cut a long story short, I took the cheaper option. Groceries? What groceries?! The portion sizes were large, and I'm sure must have tasted good, but lunch left a somewhat bitter taste in my mouth, washed down by tap water (the only free thing on the menu)

We took stroll around the Longleat grounds. This place was owned by an eccentric guy called Lord Bath, who in the 1970’s brought over exotic animals which included 50 lions (poor things). It also has giraffe’s, monkeys, flamingos etc. This was one of the first places outside Africa where you can go on a safari drive at a price of £30.80 per adult. I deflected Freddie’s enthusiastic cries of ‘Let’s go on safari!’, and this time I was successful. We ended up doing the free stuff – like touring the gardens around the house, and looking at Lord Bath’s collection of Nazi memorabilia… yeah I know… weird. The guy was a bloody Nazi sympathiser!

We drove back to London, exhausted but happy! (okay… me silently berating myself because of my pride. I should have spoken up about how expensive it was). Our only regret is that we didn’t have time to go to Bath. Freddie suggested a weekend trip later on this year, including an overnight stay. A good idea, but Beth and I privately agreed that while Freddie and his mom, stay in some swanky boutique hotel, we’ll look for a good cheap youth hostel and bring packed lunch along too.

And then it was Good Friday

I took the week off before Easter just to RELAX! I was PMS’d, so was pretty much irritable at everything and everybody. Best to be left alone...

I went down to the library and the (probably new) librarian mentioned as I was checking out my books that they were due back in 3 weeks time. I bit back the sarcastic remark that sprung up “You mean it’s changed from what it was in the last 10 years?” How was the man to know that this was only half of what I usually borrow, and that I was on leave, so was going to use the time to read! Wise-acre!!
By Thursday my mood had somewhat improved as I discovered that if I played karaoke instrumental videos on Youtube, I could make a video of myself singing using the 'I-Movie' application on my MacBook AT THE SAME TIME!!!
This was AMAZING! 1 hour, 2 hours before I knew it, it was midnight. Ballads suit me best (sadly songs by Pussy cat dolls don’t... although I made a video of me lip-syncing and dancing to 'Sway' ;-P)

On Friday, my fabulous neighbours, gave me a lift to St B's for the Good Friday Service. It was such a beautiful service – I blubbed most of the time. In my opinion this is the best service we have at St B’s because it gives room to express the artistic creativity within the Church. The seats were arranged in a circle. We started the service with 30-minute time of reflection watching a themed photographic slideshow put together by one of the Church members- classical music playing in the background. Someone had also written a poem that was handed out. The choir then sung a few songs beautifully in 4 part harmonies. This was followed by readings and actors doing dramatic monologues, Peter first, and then Pontius Pilate. Solos were sung! M sung a Gregorian chant in his lovely bass!!! The drummers did a presentation using tom tom drums placed all over the church. And while we were receiving communion, the tech team played this video!



SOOO beautiful.

During the service, as I reflected on the true nature of love – Jesus example of self sacrifice -laying down one’s life for the sake of others, the nature of my desire for M was laid bare. I realised that I had been motivated by selfishness. Focusing on myself and what I wanted, and how he would fill my needs and being frustrated because I was not getting my way. I made the decision to LET GO. Yes, I am occasionally dogged by thoughts of him, but not with the same intensity as before.
This put me in the right frame of mind for the rest of the weekend.....

Non - Practicing

'...I'm non-practising when it comes to a lot of things actually. I'm a non-practising exerciser, a non-practising inventor, a non-practising genius. When I was younger, I was a non-practising child prodigy. The brilliance of the non-practising adjective impressed me from the moment I first came across it. It allowed me to declare oneself something and then never have to actually back it up, since that would be against one's beliefs. I am this, but I choose not to demonstrate it, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Genius. Like me. Non-practising...'

Quote taken from short story 'Stray' by Kristin Gore in 'Ladies Night' (HarperCollins Publishers 2005)

It's a small world after all...

The other day as I was browsing http://www.meetup.com, I signed up for a local Book Club that meets one Sunday every month. I scrolled through the list of current members and my eyes almost popped out of my head when I saw a name that I recognised!

First reaction was "No... it can't be!" 

Especially as I haven't seen said person in 20 years, and the most vivid memory I have of him is that he was always crying being the object of much bullying from his and my older brothers. Also his family was like 'Different Strokes' in reverse. A Kikuyu dad, a Canadian mom with her 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship and an adopted Kikuyu daughter. 

On the spur of the moment, I send him an email asking if indeed it is he. Did he ever live in Nairobi on this road, and does he have an older brother and younger sister?

He comes back with a suspicious, 'Yes, it's me. Who is this?'

Not an encouraging start given that we were neighbours. I reply with an email detailing a few remembered facts from our childhood and end with a 'Well can't expect you to remember. After all it was 20 years ago. What a small world. Have a nice life'... 

Ok didn't really say it on those exact words, but that was the tone of my email. U-narr-mean? I didn't want him to think I was a stalker or anything

The next day as I was Skyping with my sister, I started with 

"You'll never guess who I came across the other day in London, neighbours in Nairobi..."

"Who?"

I tell her the family name. Blank. 

"I don't remember them. Were those the Tanzanians?"

I give her pretty much the same details as I gave him. (gosh am I the only one who remembers things?) After constant interruptions of "But weren't those the Tanzanians" and naming all the other families who lived nearby, she finally says "Ask him about his mom's sesame seed cookies, the ones that used to melt in your mouth"

 

Well I don't remember those.... perhaps the Tanzanian's made those?

So we've been emailing each other back and forth. Stuff like when we came to England, what we are doing here, what happened after we left Nairobi etc. In today's email he's asked what I'm doing for Easter and if I'm free would I like to meet up to 'exchange tales of long lost times...'

Yes, you saw that right, there was the 'dot dot dot' at the end of the sentence. Now why would he put a '...' there? Why can't it just be a normal full stop or question mark? 

What if it all goes horribly wrong. I mean the guy couldn't even remember me. What if there isn't anything to talk about beyond the emails we've been sending each other? Plus I'm not sure I want to meet any more new people, especially guys (even though technically he isn't new people). I never have anything to say to them anyway

I guess what I'm trying to say is  'What if he doesn't like me?' 

If only he'd just put a plain full stop or question mark, I would not be in such a panic! 

Darn it!

 

Cute bride

Nope, I'm not married yet

Took this photo on the Brides of March day (14 March 2009) as in 'Ides of March'... you get it? 

A group of about 20 of us (male and female) dressed up as brides and went walking around Central London. It was a lot of fun!!

Secrets...

Recently, M has been blowing ‘warm’ as opposed to the distressing ‘cold shoulder’ treatment of the other day. On Sunday he asked if the dinner invite I’d extended to his family was on condition that his whole family would be there (His mom and dad couldn’t make the proposed date)

“N…n…no, of course not...” I stammered, studiously avoiding eye contact with friend Fiona, hoping that M had not noticed the sharp elbow jab she’d just delivered to my side. “You’re more than welcome to come. In fact I’d love for you to come”

Then, I thought… Hmm I can’t have M all alone in my flat, because he'd think it's a romantic gesture... scare off the poor dude...can't have that...

So later on I invited my tech team chief and his wife to join us
“Is it just the two of us?”

“No, I’ve invited M as well”

“Hmm, there’s been a lot of talk about ‘M’ from you”

Silence

“Oh ho…!”

“There’s nothing to tell really! M regards me as his sister. I don’t regard him in quite the same way. And that’s all there is to it”

“So, you’ll be using us as chaperones”

“No, I won’t! I just want to have you guys over for dinner. That’s all!”

Kim. You liar

Pay slip came today...

... I worked out how much I'd have left over after I'd paid the bills.
Not a lot.
As I gnawed my pen anxiously, the words I spoke at last nights' Baptism service returned to mock me,
Do you believe and trust in God the Father, source of all being and life, the one for whom we exist?
I believe and trust in him
I could choose to walk around with a long face, in hopeless despair -a victim - even though I am responsible for this, relying on the false security of credit cards... a foolish thing to do in today's recession.
If only I'd lived within my means...
But what's done is done!
All this pre-occupation with 'M' seems so stupid now.

Need focusses us.

As I always say, it would be nice if the Christian life came with a guarantee that we would not experience pain, hurt, rejection, sickness, need... but I believe God would be an irresponsible parent if he insulated us from these things. Why do we expend so much energy running away from 'bad things'? So much so that we fail to see the other side of the coin. That 'bad things' can also act as a catalyst for change, an opportunity for growth... Isn't 'necessity the mother of all invention'??
My need is forcing me to confront the deep questions I've been avoiding like,
"Is my Christian walk merely lip service? Do I really believe and trust God to look after my best interests?"

So I choose to embrace this opportunity. In a weird way, I am looking forward to this coming year with excitement.
Perhaps I will experience my own personal manna, quail and water-from-rock incidents. (I've been listening to Exodus)

Jesus did say,
So don't worry about these things, saying "What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else and live righteously and he will give you everything you need
So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today (Matthew 6: 31 - 34 NLT)

AMEN

Conversation skills

I've been reading a book by Leil Lowndes called 'How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationships'

I particularly need it because even though I can start conversations, for some reason I can't seem to sustain them. I guess due to my legal training, I have a tendency to ask 'closed' questions a.k.a. cross examination style. But even when I make an effort to ask 'open' questions and really listen to the answers, the conversation still fall flat. I end up desperately filling the gaps with something 'interesting' about myself. When their eyes start to glaze over, I realise... oops... I've lost them!!

It's ok when I talk to naturally talkative people - no problem there. It just feels like everyone else is hard work.

The book gives little tips that I have started to put into practice. For example, there was a chapter on 'parrotting' - repeating the last thing a person said. I didn't think it could work until I tried it out on someone who traditionally isn't very forthcoming in his conversation

Me: "What did you do last weekend?"

Him; "Last SaturdayI went to the gym."

I parrotted, "The gym?"

Him: "Yeah, the gym. I like to go for about an hour, do a bit of cardio and then weights"

Me (thinking, hey this parrotting thing really works, he's never said a sentence that long to me before) "Cardio?"

Him: "Yeah, I run on the treadmill for a bit, then the cross trainer"

Me: "Cross trainer?"

Him: "Yeah the cross trainer, it really gets my heart going..."

Okay don't over use the 'parrotting' thing because it gets tideous after a while, but it really does work. There are other communication techniques in the book, but can't reproduce them all here or I'll be accused of breaching copyright.

Good conversation skills, like all things, have to be worked at. My new team is male dominated, so conversation topics revolve around football, rugby and geeky stuff - something I don't know much of. The few women talk about TV soaps and their children. Again, something I don't find terribly interesting. As such I can't really join in, and I am beginning to feel ever so slightly isolated? I could be imagining things, but I would really like to be the kind of person they want to talk to, invite out to lunch or drinks after work (been here 2 months and not even one invite...)

Lowndes says that even though you don't know much about a topic, you can still have a conversation about it. You don't have to be an expert in the field, but just know enough to ask the right questions and understand the jargon. To do this, she suggests that when you buy a newspaper, don't go straight to the section that you like (for me it's 'The Ridiculant, Travel section, Cartoon strip and Sudoku in Metro). Instead read something that you wouldn't normally read (that would be the Sports section) for a few weeks. I've tried this for the last week. It's really difficult. Who are these people? In football there is the Premier League, Champions League, UEFA cup. How do you keep up with all these games, and the names of the teams and it's members? And then keeping up with rugby and cricket?? Ai yai yai! It's just so boring!!! So and so kicked the ball, and so and so got sent off the field! Oh yeah.. REALLY INTERESTING! (note the sarcasm here)

But, if this is going to help me fit in to the team, I'll go for it! At least for another few weeks.

Next I'll have to start reading TV Soap magazine so that I can at least know the names of the characters in the soaps.

Pets vs children

I saw this the other day on Facebook and it made me chuckle! So I decided to send it to my friend Emily who is the only friend I can think of who would appreciate the humour. She found it hilarious, although commented

'... the only problem with pets u need to sort them out before you go on holiday!!!'  

Rich and crying about it??

Okay, I don't really know what set off the tears during the sermon at church this morning. 

It was based on James 5: 1-6, about RICH people. The preacher spent a lot of time defining what 'rich' meant in today's context, and came to the conclusion that compared to those poor sods in Africa, everyone in St B's that morning was rich. 

Did you know that according to the Global rich list, I am the 56,418,582nd richest person in the world.

I'm in the top 1%! 

You want to know what your position is on the rich list? Check out, http://www.globalrichlist.com

But I digress, this blog is not about how rich I am. 

The point is, I started crying and I just don't know why! Having grown up in a middle class estate, which was bordered by a squalor/slum, I do not doubt just how rich I am. Man, those people were so poor, it makes the homeless in London seem rich by comparison. I guess you'd say I'm pretty numb to poverty, in the way that most of us of these days are numb to violence. When you are exposed to too much of anything, you begin to accept it as normal. Those videos of kids with big eyes, flies buzzing around their snot nosed faces?? Yep, you know what I'm talking about... don't move me at all. So that can't have been the reason for me crying

 

What makes it so puzzling is that things were going great this morning. A few issues on the sound desk which I sorted out successfully. 'M's dad gave me a big hug when he came in to church first thing this morning.  And then his mom came up to me THREE separate times just to say that she loved me! "I just want to tell you that" 

They are just great. 

Then M ignored me, and that added to the moroseness.  Does he know? Does he suspect that I like him? Is he avoiding me? 

After service, I ran out of the church and WALKED about 3 miles to Southgate! Crying all the way there - deep wracking sobs which drew strange looks from fellow pedestrians. The devil rode on my shoulder, filling my mind with depressive thoughts. I thought I would never have to deal with these again but they have a funny way of reappearing when I'm feeling vulnerable. Finally, feet aching, I popped into ASDA and bought myself some chocolate and suddenly the world seemed a better place.

See? This is what I DON'T want to happen! 

F*ck men! 

Time to start rebuilding those walls!! (sigh)

Just a thought

One of my ‘hell bound heathen’ (her words not mine…hopefully one day we’ll change that around) friends recounted an experience she had in church. Her parents had forced her to attend the Christmas service. The preacher must have preached from Isaiah 11:6 where it says: -

In that day the wolf and the lamb will live together; the leopard will lie down with the baby goat. The calf and the yearling will be safe with the lion, and a little child will lead them all (NLT

This started off a train of thoughts which distracted her from the rest of the sermon. You mean these carnivorous animals won’t do what carnivorous animals do – which is hunt, kill and eat meat??... Especially when said meat is lying so trustfully within paws reach?? What kind of heaven would that be for them?

What about us? I mean, I do like a bit of meat - lamb being one of my favourites. Will I be forced to go vegetarian? Or worse still... eat meat substitute?

Or am I just missing the whole point of the verse?

Deceitful heart

Just as I was feeling a bit smug about mastering this whole ‘singleness’ thing, M has somehow wormed his way into my affections.
He isn’t really my ‘type’. Physically he is tall and skinny; is too quiet, is 7 years younger and at the moment doesn’t even know what he wants to do with his life!

("What? He is still finding himself??? Forget it!” my friend Emily advised)

But there’s something about him.
I remember the first time we talked. I was hovering around after the 11.30 am church service, wanting to talk to anybody, and not knowing where or how to start. There are lots of little cliques at church. My age group (early 30’s) who attend this service usually rush off home with their families for Sunday lunch etc. The cliques are mainly in their early 20’s, have grown up together and really don’t have time or anything in common with an old foggy like me. To my surprise he came up to me and instead of engaging in a discussion about tech or worship team we actually had a normal conversation. This made an impression. I’ve seen him doing this with other people at parties, church, so no – it was nothing special.

Our friendship has grown over the course of the year. As I said, he is pretty quiet and does not volunteer much info, which is quite frustrating because I prefer to be the quiet one. I love the sound of his voice. He’s beginning to relax around me; the range of conversation topics has expanded. He’s telling jokes, even teases me a bit. I’m also finding out fun things that he does in his non- church time. You know what they say about the ‘quiet ones?’

I must admit that part of my attraction to M, stems from the profound respect I have for his parents. They often give me lifts home and invite me over to their home for meals. His father in particular is such a positive, role model as a Christian father and husband. I’ve always assumed that children learn character and relational values from their parents. And so the logical conclusion is that M would somehow be similar to his dad?

He is also from dwindling pool of ‘available’ guys at church

M is quite secure in the knowledge that he rates higher than the average guy in my affections. Despite my efforts not to come across that way, he probably views me as an older sister. I’m deliberately not reading anything into his behaviour, although there is a strong temptation to do so. Having been around men, I know how irritating and bewildering it can be for them when a woman reads more into their actions than they intended! We women just have this tendency to do so. In fact, Solomon warns in chapter 2:7 and again in chapter 8:4 of his famous book, Song of Songs,
Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases

It’s so easy to feed the crushes, build up little fantasies in our mind, falling in love with the idea of love itself.

I will shush my heart and put to death the awakening desires of this deceitful heart!

Discipline

When my trousers wouldn’t zip up this morning - I finally accepted that I needed to stop living in denial! At the rate that I am consuming alcohol and carby foods (I am NOT really into fruits and vegetables at this time of the year). I don’t know why I assumed that 30 minutes swimming just 3 times a week was sufficient exercise. Self deception! Or as the Italians say "Roba da matti!" (Sheer Madness!!!) .
I need discipline!

I've been re-reading ‘A Road Less Travelled’ by the late American psychiatrist, S. Peck.
In the first section of this book, he talks a lot about discipline as the basis for spiritual, emotional and psychological growth and development. This is expressed in the forms of delayed gratification, accepting responsibility for oneself and ones actions, a dedication to truth, and balancing. Reading this made me realise that this quality is sadly lacking in my life. I would love to wave a magic wand over my life and get INSTANT discipline. In fact, I prefer this 'magic wand approach. In Galations 5:22 - 23, self-discipline or self control is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit - Fruit is automatically produced, innit?
Perhaps I've got my theology wrong.

In real life qualities like discipline are like muscles - the more you exercise them, the stronger they will grow.

In his book, Peck uses brushing teeth every day as an example. As a child it took a lot of coaxing, cajoling, even threats from my parents to get me into the habit. Now I do it effortlessly, without thinking, and I have reaped the benefits of having fresh breath and a dazzling smile.

The process of discipline involves some effort on our part, a willingness to embrace some degree of suffering - not to avoid it.

As we are now in the season of Lent, the focus in church has now shifted to the discipline of fasting. Perhaps this is a good way to kickstart exercising our 'discipline-muscle'. The benefits of stronger discipline would spill over into every areas of our lives- bible reading, praying, loving people.
A note of caution however, there is a danger of exercising discipline unlovingly, selfishly. All that we do must be in the context of love of God and of others, otherwise we would only create monsters of ourselves. We also, must recognise that sometimes we will fail, and the important thing is to learn lessons from that failure and try again!

Rubbing Shoulders....

There are very few of us ‘Blacks’ who volunteer at Crisis Christmas so you can’t help but notice each other. However, he was more than just your average black guy. Despite dressing down, he couldn’t hide that refined look and an air of authority about him. As most Crisis volunteers work in pairs; I tried to wrangle my way into working with him, but my efforts were frustrated as others beat me to the punch. Throughout the day, I looked for opportunities to sidle up to him while we mucked out and went about our general volunteer duties. In the end I gave up and went into the common room to mingle with the guests

So it was to my extreme pleasure, that he joined my table. The guests were called away to do something, which left just the two of us. His name was Trev. He asked why I was volunteering. Because I had empathy with the homeless, having experienced it when I first came to London 10 years ago. What about you? “I’ve always wanted to come but have been really busy. I finally got the opportunity to do so this year”
On hindsight, I realise that he didn’t really say a lot about himself, apart from the fact that he travelled a lot for work, spoke French and played the saxophone – general stuff. I only understood why he was not so forthcoming when reading the newspaper a few weeks later I learnt who he really was...


Trevor Philips – Chair of the Commission for Racial Equality

Beth and me

Reaching out to the homeless

I have a friend called David. A few months ago he broke up with his wife and wound up homeless. He was also an alcoholic - a stinking drunk tramp. One day he came across our ‘Healing on the Streets’ team that goes out every Saturday to the North Finchley High Road to offer prayer for healing. I don’t know who he spoke to on that day, but all I know, he handed over his life to Christ and started coming to St B’s. I met him in his first week at church. Someone had given him a bible and he was utterly fascinated by what he was reading – especially the Jewish practices outlined in the first 5 books of the Old Testament “Sounds pretty pagan to me!”
He gave up the alcohol, and this Valentines Day we calculated that he had been ‘dry’ for just over 12 weeks. He’s moved in with my friend Julian, another church member. The other day, I dropped in to see him and noted that his room was very tidy!
“Unlike my room, which is a bit of a tip…”
He responded
“When you’ve been in a tip, you appreciate any space you’ve got”

I certainly have a better appreciation of my life

Dave’s story is not dissimilar to Josef’s. Josef came to St B’s, also moved in with Julian. Barnet Council found him a flat – I remember going on that first day to celebrate. He had tears of joy running down his face. Things were looking up for him and his life was finally getting back on track. However, just after Christmas, he descended into depression and started on the booze, things just spiralled downwards from there. Ann Marie, Julian and Dave stayed with him when he was in hospital, and afterwards checked on him at home. A couple of weeks ago he was found in his new flat – dead! Possibly from the dangerous cocktail of booze and anti-depressants- accidental or maybe even suicide

It all just seems so…. Unfair!
Why didn’t God look after Josef better?
Why did Josef give up on life just at the point when it was beginning to turn around?

There’s a new wave of homeless guys coming to church now- Steve, Lisa, Lisa with a hat, Lynn. Julian has organised a group to specifically pray for them on Monday evenings. We need God’s wisdom and direction on this. On Thursdays, Milly who owns a café on the High Road has kindly offered to give the guys a hot meal and a place to come in out of the cold for a couple of hours. These are only temporary measures though… I’d like to see the guys permanently off the streets and living whole lives.

While we were praying on Monday, I remembered the bible verses in Luke 14: 27 - 33 about counting the cost of being a disciple. The fact is, if we do take on this role of reaching out to the homeless, we will be acting like bridges –a link for these desperate, vulnerable people to get to God, wholeness, a better life, restoration etc.

Bridges are only useful when people walk on them. I shared this with the group and their interpretation- pretty obvious – is that it’s going to be messy and dirty business.
Bring it on?
Safe, cautious me? Am I willing to pay the price... to go through the pain of losing another ‘Josef’ or live constantly in fear of it happening?
I’m worried about Dave now. I’ve noticed that he’s smoking a lot more recently. Perhaps he smoked just as much before and I never noticed.
I don’t know what to do

Life's little surprises...

I've been looking forward to March. 

Ever since I splashed out (unwisely) on a MacBook for Christmas, things financially have been a bit tight. My old job, docked 7 and a half days of pay because after the annual leave adjustment, it looked like they'd overpaid me, so I got paid less in February. This was made worse by increased travel expenses and having to buy a new wardrobe for the new job. One thing after another

So March was for me, the month when everything would stabilise. I get paid my new salary which means that my disposable income is probably increasing by about £200; there's a brief respite from council tax this month - an extra £150; most of my debt is on 0% interest credit cards, allowing me to spread the repayments evenly over a 10 month period; I'm expecting pay arrears going back to June 2008 from my old job, which I was planning on sending to Uganda to kick off construction of my property there. Heck, there'd even be enough to take a cruise to Oslo in early May...

All that has changed now as Yati announced that she is moving out on the 1 March. 

Ok - not really a surprise (her moving out), but hadn't reckoned on it happening so soon and with only 2 weeks notice. My flat is almost completely furnished by her and so naturally she is taking all her stuff- sofa, bedroom furniture, in the kitchen most of the pots, glasses, plates, bowls, the iron...

There's a lesson here for me. It is going to be decidedly rough but with God's help I will ride the storm. There are people in worse situations. I guess I'll have to risk assess other areas in my life and not be caught out by the unexpected. I suppose you can't plan for every eventuality, but I should have seen this coming ages ago

You live and learn!

When it starts getting Same-ish...

... then it's time to pull out and move on to other things

Just got back from watching a Panto (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) that a colleague, Julia, wrote, produced and directed. A Pantomime is a traditional British Christmas show for children, usually based on nursery tales and featuring stock characters in costume who sing, dance and perform skits (www.freedictionary.com)

It's all quite fun. When the nasty queen announces her evil plan, the crowd hisses and boos. When good triumphs over evil- the audience cheers. 

There's the standard

Character - "Oh no you don't"

Audience: "OH YES YOU DO"

Character "Oh no you don't"

Audience "OH YES YOU DO

With other variations such as "Oh no you can't", "Oh no you won't"

When one of the characters tells a sob story, the audience empathise with an "Awwww" . The character capitalises on this by gesturing to the audience to say an even louder "AWWW"

Then when the lead character states that they are scared of spiders and bears and asks the audience to helpfully warn them if they see anything like that; said  spider/bear only appears when the character's back is turned. The audience goes wild and point frantically "There, it's behind you", by the time the character turns around the spider/bear has 'disappeared' 

Us Brits love innuendo - which flies over the kids heads, but gets all the adults chuckling. For example in this panto, they did go on about the size of the Woodcutter's 'chopper'

I really admire people like Julia who do things like that. She's putting her talents of writing, directing and playing music to good use. I'm getting bored with all the 'partying' - it's become same'ish for me. The same music, same crowd. The Valentines, Swinging Sixties party is next week, and after that I'm calling it quits - for at least a couple of months. 

Inspired by Julia, I'm going to revive guitar playing and my singing, put a band together to perform an acoustic gig at Crisis Open Christmas. It's 10 months away, so it can be done. I've done a solo performance which went down a treat the last time. I can still do it on my own again, but I think I'll need more people to make it more interesting. I'm hoping to persuade Mike, who is a gifted bass player and singer to join up. I'll need a percussionist, a soprano, and an alto. Perhaps another guitarist. 

Yeah that should be different

Digital Cathedral presents...

We Digital Cathedral (DC) folks finally presented our Epiphany event that we started preparing for a while back  I don't know why I got asked onto the team aside from the fact that I really love clubbing and dance music. Also Katie - the 18 - 30's youth pastor must have noticed me looking bored during church services which I find rather dull with their Indie type 'contemporary Christian' songs. I tend to slip in at the end of sung worship - listen to the sermon - and then away.

The best thing about being on the DC team were monthly 'planning' meetings -  brunch at James' pad, praying together, mucking about on his audio/visual equipment and researching other alternative worship events.

Rex, the vicar of St Alban's church in Golders Green (and James' boss) kindly let us use the church for the event. It's a great venue - lovely, old features -stained glass windows, statues of religious figures and all. I just love it. 

Katie appointed me 'Creative Director' (CD) because " You are a techie, so you know the stuff!"  

It's hard to describe what a CD does!  Decorate the venue? My brother who is a part time DJ, said he would lend me his 4 disco lights, but as time drew nearer, and my reminders were met with responses like, 

"Don't worry about it, I'll sort you out. When's the thing again?"

"Like I've told you gazillion times before, including the beginning of this conversation, and the beginning and end of the one we had yesterday, IT'S ON THE 31'st!!" 

I had to come up with Plan B - Enter DH! 

I love DH... I truly do! He means well - but he could do with some help with his interpersonal skills. He just seems to piss off everyone he works with - and he DOES kind of takeover which I find quite annoying. BUT we needed him as he was the source of all necessary (free) equipment for the event i.e. data projector, disco lights with gels, drapes, extra cables - in short... everything. He insisted on coming down to the venue to visualise it and see what equipment we'd need, then him and James went into 'techie speak' and completely lost me. Okay yeah I am a techie, but I don't know names of things - that grey button turns up the volume in that black speaker, and when the red light flashes it means the speaker is going to blow, unless I turn down the red button. I rolled my eyes at DH's girlfriend, who'd tagged along for support. There was a pause in the men's conversation, 

"Umm sorry Kim, we don't mean to take over here - after all you are the Creative Director. What would you like us to do?"

"Just carry on! Don't mind me. After all YOU are the experts" *you f@%king bastards*

To cut a long story short, my role ended up being the 'Muscle' , i.e. help setting up and taking down the rig. I don't mean to discount the guys - DH had some really good ideas which we used and the church looked like thisPeople walked through the canopy to get to the stage -  like the High Priests would have done in the Old Testament Tabernacle and going into the Holy of Holies (DH's idea)

The event itself was a blast for us, the DC team. James and Katie had invited church folk who didn't show up. No surprises there... they just don't get dance music. 

My crew - Stuart & Mikey came!  Some newbies to church came as well. One of them was so bowled over about clubbing in church that she gave an appreciation speech at the end. It was well... a bit... awkward"

It felt a bit like a private party. 

Nigel the DJ had prepared really good set, including that Blaze track featuring Barbara Tucker - Most Precious Love.  Matti prepared a visual presentation based on the themes of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh (Epiphany commemorates the 3 wise men presenting their gifts to Jesus). James and Katie had composed a couple of dance tracks, which she sung to (she's got an amazing voice)

Did I connect with God? Hard to tell. I know I had a good time. I'd been feeling like a waste of space - what have I really contributed to this event - but a bible verse came into mind- about all of us Christians having different gifts but it is the same Spirit that gives them.(It's in 1 Corinthians 12)

Some gifts may be more noticeable than others i.e. Katie, Matti and Nigels gifts, but my 'invisible' gifts of behind the scenes service and of encouragement are just as important - probably not in the world or church's eyes, but definitely before God. So I was happy with that.