My brother was interested in a girl whom he visited often, took out on dates. The relationship was undefined and we would ask him what the deal was? Did he like her as more than just a friend? Had he asked her to be his girlfriend? My mother remarked drily that if he was not careful, he would lose her because he was too busy 'shelling peas'! (okutondora enkuku)
The old Kinyoro story goes that a guy who liked a girl, used to hang around her homestead, participating in communal activities like 'shelling peas' and entertaining her family with stories. He eventually came to be accepted as a good friend but never so much as hinted at his true feelings for the girl.
One day a warrior arrived, and with great flourish stuck his spear into the ground in the front courtyard announcing
"I have come for a wife, and this is the girl I want!!!"
The girl married the warrior, and the original guy lost her!
So whenever a guy is vacillating about a particular girl, he is said to be 'shelling peas'
My updated photo on all the dating websites has generated an incredible amount of responses and confirmed that men just look at photos and don't really read through profiles. Ever since I started online dating again, the Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider have become my Manual!
According to the 'Rules', you should only respond to emails. Replies must be short and breezy. (I'm still trying to get the hang of that). Hopefully the guy will realise that if he wants to know you better he should do so in the real world - not online. If by the 4th email he has not asked for your phone number or out on a date, then he just isn't serious. Delete/Next!
This week, I've been exchanging emails with this guy. A Christian, which makes a pleasant change to the 'atheists' or the 'spiritual' guys who have been contacting me. He's from up North (I have a soft spot for Northerners), has a sense of humour and we appear to have a lot in common.
However, by email no 4 he still had not asked me for my number. I thought to myself, let's give him another chance, broke the 'Rules' and sent him a reply.
Email No 5 came and STILL NOTHING!
It's really tough, but I'm going to have to delete him. That's the fourth guy this month! Sigh!
I want to be pursued and wooed by that warrior who knows what he WANTS and goes for it.
Not some ambiguous 'pea sheller'
