The Five Factor Personality Test

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness.You're generally a friendly and trusting person.But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Arghh!!!!!

Our House Group is studying "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren.

We read a chapter a day and meet up for stimulating weekly discussions. I feel that as we share from our hearts, we are drawing closer to each other. I have developed a special fondness for each and every one of them- except Martin. In last week's discussion he came out with this theory about sin being passed on by the Male sperm because Jesus was conceived of a virgin and had no sin... Therefore sin is passed on through the male sperm! Just how is this a useful contribution to a discussion on infant baptism? Who bloody cares where sin comes from anyway?

Actually he really wound me up at Trevor's party last Saturday! Because I'd invited other House Group members to a "Murder Mystery" dinner that I'm organising over Easter, I felt obliged to ask Martin too. He pulls out his palm pilot, and says "Oh, I'm free that evening but can't confirm anything because Trevor and I might have plans that weekend!" (does Trevor, who is in the other room, have a say in this?) "We are going away on a holiday which we haven't booked yet... don't know what day we'll leave... Haven't planned..." Bla bla bla!

Such 'enthusiasm'!

At this point I am deeply regretting why I asked him in the first place. Why can't he just say he doesn't WANT to come for the dinner instead of stalling with all manner of excuses. I explain that when planning a"Murder Mystery"dinner, I really need confirmations because I have to assign characters, give guests plenty of time to look for the right costumes and also plan the meal. If someone doesn't show up or cancels at the last minute, it spoils everything! And since nothing's been agreed yet with Trevor, they could plan around the dinner! I can't believe it... I'm actually begging this moron to come.

He sighs angrily and announces to the entire party,

"Alright, the only thing I can confirm is that I WON'T be coming then!" Whips out palm pilot... deletes my name and then storms out the room. House Group leader Phil (bless him), breaks up the awkward silence that ensues with

"Oh, is that Martin having a "Martin" moment?

Martin, What a Juvenile idiot - no wonder he's still single! Social skills, tact, sensitivity... ZERO!!

For one moment, I consider invitingTrevor, just out of spite, but I think to myself "No Kim, that is not the Christian attitude. Just drop it!" It would give me profound satisfaction if Trevor and the rest of House Group came, leaving Martin with NOTHING to do but stare at his palm pilot all evening! Oh yeah! The idea appeals to me! I just might phone Trevor.

The funny thing is that, earlier, one of the girl's mentioned that when she first joined House Group, she found Martin really irritating, but apparently he's now growing on her. To which I responded, "Well I've just joined House Group!"

Go figure!

Of Sitcoms and Real Life

I didn’t realise how much I liked "Will & Grace" until I spent the money that I’d set aside for new trainers on Series 2 and 3 DVD'S (Shows how much I rate personal fitness on my list of priorities).
A quick summary for the uninitiated: -
‘Will & Grace’ is a sitcom revolving around the life of 4 people living in New York. Will is a lawyer, uptight, control freak, gay and mostly unlucky in love. Grace, his best friend and roommate is an interior designer, self-obsessed, competitive, with the unfortunate habit of dating gay men. Karen is Grace’s office assistant who comes into work at 10.30, takes 4-hour lunch breaks and spends the time in between catalogue shopping, filing her nails and criticising Grace’s dress sense. Jack is the unemployed, free loading, flamboyantly gay ‘juvenile’ one.

The relationship between the 2 characters Will & Grace echoes my previous relationships with guys. I can relate to that special ‘closeness' that is a touch above sibling relationship and below the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. This kind of relationship is characterised by fierce competition, inside jokes, shared interests, advice, morale support.. bitter arguments. Most people find it weird for a grown man and woman to be ‘best friends’. Such a concept does not exist in Uganda. If 2 people of the opposite sex are regularly seen together, then clearly “There is ‘Something' between them!”
For me that "Something" was a level of immaturity that existed to meet short term companionship needs without the inconvenience of dealing with real issues of commitment and intimacy. Perhaps this kind of relationship only lasts in the ‘Sitcom world’. My friend Stephen recognised this, decided to grow up and move on, while I desperately clung on to my “security blanket”. Suddenly we were tugging in different directions, and it all ripped painfully apart.
I was reading today in ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ by Rick Warren’s, that God’s ultimate goal for my life on earth is not comfort, but character development. Lately I feel my turn has come and God is suddenly in the habit of tipping me out of my comfort zone. Following the demise of my 7-year friendship, I am now forced to examine the real reason why I am only attracted to ‘unavailable’ men and freak out every time a guy shows interest. Perhaps I am meant to be Single? Sounds reasonable enough. However, I know it just does not wash. If I'm ever to grow up emotionally, I should be willing to take a risk and dive head first into this scary world of commitment and sharing

The Ghetto!

For the last few weeks I’ve been volunteering with the Princes Trust as a Development Coach to a bunch of kids aged 16 – 20. They come from a variety of backgrounds- ex offenders, school dropouts, single parent or foster homes; but all lack self confidence and share a pessimistic view on life characteristic of the rough neighbourhoods they come from, “Da Hoods!” or “Da Ghettos!” The Princes Trust Team programme is designed to help young people like these, from marginalized backgrounds, who are ‘unemployed, unexcited and unsure’ of their future 'get out of the box’ and learn practical skills like team working, tolerance, communication, leadership etc that will help in a job and in life
To communicate, I had to go through a crash course in “street” which is “basikly” speak really fast “yer?” and use words like “uknowamean?” (You know what I mean?); “Koching” (relaxing with friends); “bare” (numerous); “drawing” (smoking weed… don’t ask); “Blood”/“Bruv” (close friend or brother) “Laow it!” (I object strongly) and “innit?” (Isn’t it?)

"You get me?"

I’m not sure what a Development Coach does, so I’m kind of winging it by listening, giving advice, praising, mucking in with team activities and more recently editing CV’s and job application letters (a complete translation and rewrite in some cases)
In weeks 3 and 4, the kids undertook a Community Project where they fundraised for and converted a local primary school’s disused shed into an Art Storage Shed. Despite the rain, snow and subzero conditions, I was impressed to see that most of them showed up everyday and took ownership of the project. As you can see, on the last day I was roped in to artistically paint one of the tables. However, later on it was decided unanimously by the Team to paint over my artwork with unimaginative basic yellow!
That’s ok… I don’t care… even the famous Van Gogh, did not get much recognition during his lifetime!

Random thoughts

Sorry I've been out of touch. Life's going through one of it's boring phases where nothing new happens.
Typical week: - Lazy night on Monday evening, Alpha course on Tuesday, Housegroup Wednesday, again a lazy night on Thursday. By lazy night it means there is nothing of personal interest on the TV. Something always crops up on Fridays even though I'd rather it didn't because my favourite sitcom,Will and Grace, is on at 8.30. My window cleaner has this habit of coming to ask for his money right in the middle of the programme - he's ever so cheerful and likes to linger for a chat- apparently plays guitar- used to be in a band you know- plays all kinds of music like Jazz and (...oh you are Black so you must like...) Soul. YAWN, Just take your money already and let me get back to my programme!!! Considering changing window cleaners!
Oh yes, I DID something interesting. On Saturday, my mate Emily had free tickets for 'King Lear' at the British Film Institute. It's a 197o film, in Russian, subtitles in Shakespeares English...ehem... as you can imagine quite hard to follow. On Sunday, I tried out a new recipe on my "guinea pig", sister Ngonzi - no... she doesn't look or even eat like a pig, but she gets to try out all my food experiments! (also hates to cook and welcomes the free food) The 'Oven Ki Murghi' - chicken breasts roasted with onions and green chillis (courtesy of Madhur Jaffrey on Saturday Kitchen- for recipe click here- Oven Ki Murghi ) met with Ngonzi's full approval so will be one of the dishes I'll do for my house group in a couple of weeks time.
Ok I'll write some more when something interesting happens!
Ciao!

Flamenco!

Last Friday I went to Sadlers Wells Theatre to watch the National Spanish Ballet Company perform the Flamenco.

The first half consisted of agonised wailing from the singers, not unlike a cat in heat, that just set my teeth on edge! During the interval the people I'd gone with gushed about how 'amazing' the music was... and that singing...(pause for effect).. ohh!"

I just thought "I've blown £28 on this crap!"

Fortunately for me, the best was saved for last! In the second half, the caterwauling gave way to the haunting sound of the Spanish guitar beautifully complementing the passionate dance sequences and absolutely stunning costumes!
What an experience!

Afterwards, I reflected on the various dances from my country Uganda. We are made up of over 30 different tribes each with a unique dance and drum signature. If you played a drum sequence for me, I'd be able to tell you exactly where that came from- there's the sensual "Runyege, Entogoro" dance from my tribe Bunyoro; the powerful "Ekitaguriro" from the nearby Ankole tribe; the graceful "Baakisiimba", "Nankasa", "Muwogola" and energetic "Amaggunju" dances from the Buganda tribe, the rhythmic "Bwola", "Larakaraka" and "Ding Ding" dances from the northern Acholi tribe whose names are derived from the sound made by accompanying instruments. I could go on- but there are too many tribes to list. When my people dance, we put our whole minds, bodies and souls in to it. We don't have to screw up our faces into pained expressions to communicate Passion! You can just tell! There are no spectators here, everybody exuberantly claps and joins in with the singing, naturally breaking into untaught three part harmonies!
It's in moments like these that I realise that I do appreciate my roots. If I ever have children, my own, adopted or fostered, I'll make sure that that part of their heritage is not lost to them.

Addiction!

Tonight I'm going to my new Vicar's home for a Welcome Supper. Ordinarily, I'd jump at the chance of free food - but I'm in a dilemma because it conflicts with the new diet/fitness regime that I started on Monday. It is called the Gi Jeans diet where you eat 1200 calories per day while exercising for at least 30 minutes each day for 5 days. Apparently when you eat foods with high Gi's they release energy slowly and help you feel full for longer. Or is it foods with low Gi's? I've forgotten - it's something with Gi's...

In the little booklet provided, there are suggested recipes-

A typical breakfast -ONE slice of multigrain bread, spread with some cottage cheese and a piece of fruit... (That's supposed to keep me full until lunchtime?)

Lunch - a sandwich - that's not more than 250 calories

Supper- 170g of white fish, 170 g of new potatoes (i.e. 3 small potatoes) with vegetables

2 snacks - mid morning,and mid afternoon and it's got to be fruit. A banana counts as 2 fruits!

So far, my willpower has been good till about 4.00 pm. By this time I have eaten ALL the alloted snacks for the day and still feeling hungry. This is by no means satisfied with the meagre supper and by 10pm... anything edible looks good. I could swear I've eaten more food since I started this 'diet'! It is quite disheartening really!
I NEED TO FIND A LASTING SOLUTION TO THIS WEIGHT PROBLEM!
My family has a history of high blood pressure and since I'm the only overweight descendant with a food addiction, I'm the most likely candidate to inherit it! That should be sufficient incentive to lose weight, but I just can't seem to stick with anything

A couple of years ago I went through a phase where I cycled to work, went to the gym 4 times a week, joined a regular dance class etc. The weight dropped off and I looked great - but the intense exercise completely buggered up my knees- to the point where it was painful to walk and I had to give up the regime. It all piled on again- and then some!
Since willpower and exercise have been ruled out, surgery seems like the only available solution. Liposuction and stomach stapling are some of the procedures that immediately spring to mind. However, the former is a temporary fix and doesn't really deal with the overeating problem and the latter is only performed in extreme cases of obesity.

Hypnosis? Paul Mc Kenna's "I Can Make You Thin?" As a Christian - hypnosis is frowned upon as it is a form of manipulation and I wouldn't be comfortable with it

I don't know what to do! I need prayer!

A new chapter...

Just as I was beginning to feel particularly useless at church – and on the verge of leaving… the theme for this evening was ‘involvement in ministry’, an open invitation for members to become part of various ministry teams.
I’ve had my eye on the Worship team for a while, and it’s got nothing to do with the particularly dishy lead guitarist…who up close looks very... urm... dishy!
Unfortunately, they weren’t looking for an acoustic/rhythm guitarist, especially not a self-taught one who can’t read music and doesn’t know what grade she’s at. I toyed briefly with the idea of lying about my proficiency with the electric lead guitar, but then thought better of it. Musicians are an unforgiving lot, and it wouldn’t go down well with “dishy” if I were exposed at the auditions. Do I want to get into the team anyway? They didn’t strike me as particularly friendly. Kind of left me standing on my own unlike the Youth team that was excited to see me at their stand. So I guess its Youth then. I’ve always admired youth workers – they are trendy, up to date “happening” people. Plus,
I always seem to gravitate towards the Youth Ministry. Perhaps it is my Calling? The youth pastor mentioned that there is no one to lead worship for the youth, so my acoustic guitar skills may come in handy after all. I just hope this marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life. In my heart of hearts, I do want to serve God to the best of my ability, because I love Him! I want to get the focus off ME, and place it where it really should be, loving God and my neighbour.
I guess working with youth is kind of like dying to my dreams and aspirations. There’s no way I’ll meet anyone special- single male youth workers are in extremely short supply.
I pray that I’ll make Jesus known and help to make a positive influence in their lives.

Salsa - Update

You may recall from my last blog but one, that I promised to stay to the Open Club after the dance lesson and ask at least one guy for a dance!

Fortunately, my last partner from the lesson was a fellow beginner, so it was only natural for me to suggest that we stay on and practice what we'd learned. After that, I asked his friend for a little practice session too. It felt great although after a while proved to be bit boring as we repeated the same sequence (4 steps) over and over again!

Looking across the room, I spotted the guy from my first class 2 weeks ago who'd said he'd look out for me, and made a bee line for him. He's been going for 4 months and taught me some of the new moves! It was such a pleasure to dance with him! His name is Eric! Good dancer! Hope he comes next week so that at least I'm assured of a dance!

It felt good to step out like that and much more fun!

The Verdict on Speed dating!

The thought of voluntarily putting myself under the spot light, with only 3 minutes to make an impression was quite daunting! What the heck do you say?

Before the session we huddled into nervous little hetero groups covertly checking out the "talent" on the other side! One guy in particular caught my eye- tall, well dressed, good looking black man! Not bad at all! He was receiving lots of appreciative glances from the ladies...

Okay, the MC hands out score cards, explains the rules i.e. talk to each other for 3 minutes, when the bell goes, guys move on to the next girl. Write down the persons' name and number, something memorable about them and then score them as a "Yes, No or Friend (in my book that means 'maybe')" Tomorrow when you log on to the website, enter your scores and see if you have any matches.

Bing!

It didn't really work out with the first guy- he was timid, nervous, soft spoken and lost me when he started talking about his interests which included reading non-fiction and other dry topics. What I DO remember is that Joe Legend's "Ordinary People" was playing in the background, and this guys lips were moving in time to the music! It was all I could do to hold back the involuntary sigh of relief when the bell signalled the end of the session!

Thankfully it was not all bad! There were some really interesting guys. The black guy turned out to be a Police Officer from a rough neighbourhood who likes Greek Mythology??!!!

No one really did it for me! My heart didn't skip a beat or anything. There were a lot of "maybes" and I was quite pleased the next day, when I logged on, to see that 3 out of the 5 'maybes' thought the same. I've sent them my email address and I guess I just have to wait? Police man didn't like me - it must have been the funny look I gave him when he said " I just love Greek Mythology"

Final Verdict: Many times I have gone to a party, seen a guy that I liked, but never had the opportunity to say anything beyond "Hi!" Speed dating ensures you get the undivided attention of every man in the room for at least 3 minutes!

Would I do it again? Probably, if I had nothing else to do that evening and it was free! £20 is a bit pricey and was quite disappointed to see that it didn't include free drinks.

The quest for a man!

On Saturday I attended a Singles Seminar. The main theme was "take more risks and get out of the comfort zone" . The reason why most of us 30 somethings are still single is that we are reluctant to stick out our necks when it comes to the area of relationships.

This isn't news to me, I've known it for a long time

Take for example my Salsa class... I normally rush off after the lesson because I'm afraid of looking awkward during the open club. Actually I'm TERRIFIED of standing all alone at the bar for 2 hours, with no one asking me to dance! Well, tomorrow, I going to ASK someone for a dance! Take a risk! If they say yes, then great! If they say no- shrug it off and move on the next person

One thing that came out from my seminar is that guys don't mind women asking them out on dates. The challenge is to make a list of all the single guys you know and ask them out on dates.
The only single guys I know are the 2 in my House Group. Today, under the guise of a general email, I invited them out for a movie in a couple of weeks time. One of them came back to me and said he'd come. So I guess that's progress... I've taken a risk!

To really show that I'm going out on a limb, I'll be Christian Speed Dating tonight! This is when a equal number of men and women, meet up in a group and each get 3 minutes to talk to each other. Afterwards, you note down those who interested you and submit an anonymous list to the organisers. If someone on your list picks you... it's a match! Fingers crossed for tonight! I'll keep you posted!

Not doing so well on those resolutions...

I'm going to buy Size 18 trousers!

The whole exercise programme hasn't gone according to plan, in fact, it hasn't gone... period!

I fell sick in week 2, and couldn't go to the gym or for Salsa!
In week 3, I could have gone, but temperatures have dipped to 5 degrees and the only thing I feel like doing is wrapping myself in a warm blanket, sipping on some hot chocolate whilst reading a good book!

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a perceived inconsistency between two cognitions in which the person believes one thing but then acts in a different way from what they believed. For example, people who smoke know smoking is a bad habit, even without the benefit of the clear warnings on the packet that say "SMOKING KILLS". Some rationalize their behaviour by looking on the bright side: They tell themselves that smoking helps keep the weight down and that there is a greater threat to health from being overweight than from smoking.
At Christmas time, most of us exhibit the symptoms of Cognitive Dissonance. We stuff ourselves with mince pies, Christmas pudding, "Celebrations" etc... all guzzled down with copious amounts of alcohol etc,. We push to the back of our minds that "party pooping" thought that screams "You'll get fat! You'll get fat"

Ever wondered why on January 1st, you can't fit into any of your work clothes?... Cognitive Dissonance!

My New Years Resolution is to step up the exercise programme - Salsa classes, Aerobics classes with subtle names like Fat Attack, and swimming at least twice a week. This was after I realised that the only item I can wear from my work wardrobe is a skirt! (It's winter here!)

The first week, I stuck religiously to my new regime, however, the next Monday I woke up feeling like "S*$t! and came down with a cold - the shock of exercise was too much for the body!

There's been this big poster campaign going around that says "New Years Resolution? Change one thing!" That makes sense! So I've picked the Salsa - the male:female ratio 1.5:1 (very favourable) Who knows? This might be my lucky year!

Of Christmas and bank accounts!

I just looked at my bank account online and saw to my dismay that I was in the red and descending!

There's something about this season that, despite all good intentions, catapults you into a shopping frenzy, along with heaving London crowds! Then there is the Christmas dinners, parties, drinks, the last minute dash to buy a card for the person you left off your Christmas card list who just happened to send you one today (sigh)

Financial "experts" abound with advice on how to avoid debt over the holiday season: - live within your means (well we all know that that is near impossible, 0% credit cards, make your own presents and cards, IOU's, make loud disparaging comments accompanied with intellectual sneer, like "Christmas has become SOO commercial!" or "Jesus is the Reason for the Season!"

Seriously, how does one avoid giving in to the pressure to spend, spend, spend. Last year a group of us agreed that we wouldn't DO Christmas presents. I remained secure in the knowledge that, for once, I'd have something left over to spend in the 'January' Sales (which incidentally begin on Boxing Day). Imagine my surprise, on Christmas morning when I received presents from each and every one of those "traitors!" Whatever happened to honour among friends! I'm not complaining about the presents.... it's the PRINCIPLE!! (and the fact that I've acquired a reputation as a bit of a "tight wad"!)

Well that's my seasonal moan done, now where did I put those IOU's...