I’m so OVER the fancy dress group phase. It was fun; I met some nice people and will keep in touch with a few (I’m guessing also that the real reason is that due to weight gain I can’t afford costumes anymore - all the cheap ones come in smaller sizes…). Last weekend I was invited to a few parties and an impromptu barbeque, but I wasn’t feeling them and opted to stay in. Yeah I know… shocker!
I’m just not interested anymore
My psychiatrist penpal said that I sound like a ‘scanner’. Scanners are people who have diverse and multiple interests and find it hard to create a successful life that they love because their passions and abilities take them in so many different directions.
She recommended ‘Refuse to Choose -A Revolutionary Program for Doing Everything That You Love’ by Barbara Sher. I read an excerpt from the book which listed some phrases typically used by Scanners. A few of these really resonated like
“I can never stick to anything."
"I lose interest in things I thought would interest me forever."
"I get bored as soon as I know how to do something."
"I can't stand to do anything twice."
"I think everyone's put on this earth to do something; everyone but me, that is."
"I can't pay attention unless I'm doing many things at once."
"I'll never be an expert in anything. I feel like I'm always in a survey class."
In the last 2 years, I’ve backpacked, studied Italian, taken Salsa classes, challenged myself to read through all the Sci fi/Fantasy books in my local library so that I could become a 'critique', currently working my way through Terry Pratchett, learnt how to do sound mixing, became an editor
I'm really looking forward to reading this book. According to the blurb, Sher has developed dozens of powerful techniques to free people from goal paralysis and readers will stop thinking of themselves as dabblers or dilettantes, and find innovative ways to live lives of variety, challenge and joy.
It’s amazing how freeing it is to know that I don’t need to exhaust my energy fretting about finding the ‘one thing’ God has called to do. It's kind of like the time I discovered I didn't have to spend my life trying to earn 'brownie' points with God to earn his love. You can't earn what you already have. Real eye opener that!
I’m also looking at my job through totally different eyes. It has ceased to be just a place where I mark time until I 'discover' myself. I can focus on the positives like how it gives me work/life balance through flexible working and 30 days annual leave a year. I’m free to indulge my scanner nature on other diverse pursuits. I already do this, but now I can do so without the burden of guilt associated with my lack of ‘career ambition’
