I am beginning to weary of this Oasis Programme
The only thing we seem to do is talk about our personal history (strong emphasis on relationship with your parents) and analyse how this has influenced our character and impacted on our relationship with God. You go through this process with 2 others, helped along by a couple of facilitators who pray aloud for you individually.
I've opened up a lot and if I'm being honest, beginning to feel slightly resentful about letting 4 strangers (albeit well-meaning) into the intimate details of my life.
At the last meeting I told them about my decision to stop getting stressed,
"I don't really care about how good or bad my relationship with God is. It's not big deal anymore!"
There was an 'atmosphere' in the room as the facilitators exchanged glances. One of them said
"So this is how you are going to deal with your issues, deny that they exist and hope they go away"
"No, I'm just not going to think about them anymore!"
"But isn’t this how you normally deal with your problems?"
"No, I normally obsess about them, comfort eat, grow fat, steep myself in self pity, say cynical, pessimistic things and spoil everyone's day. I actually think this new approach is brilliant."
"But what about your relationship with your father"
Yes what about it? We've talked this out to death now. The way I see it, talking about it hasn't really helped now, has it? It's always going to be a distant relationship.
Really this is clutching at straws.
Then I got a whole lecture about how we are almost coming to an end and they expect to see some sort of progress. Also have I read through the book they gave me at the start by Stuart Lees, ‘Will The Real Me Please Stand Up’? One of the other girls constantly refers to it during the session and it is clear she is getting a lot out of it. The facilitators thought I hadn’t read it (I did – just hated his writing style). And then have I kept the 'optional' journal to help me process my thoughts and track my progress. Okay this one I haven’t done, because it is boring. Who writes things in ink anymore?
Afterwards when they were praying for me, one of them had a "picture" (this is an 'Anglicanism' I've never quite got used to; in Pentacostalese the word for it is "vision"). In this ‘picture’, I was holding a megaphone, the broad side of which had been taped up. Her interpretation was that she felt that my real voice was blocked and I was not expressing the real me. I looked her straight in the eye and said
"Whenever I am honest with people, I offend them. So now I tell them what they want to hear and life is easier for all of us"
I’m debating whether I should honestly tell them that I think this Oasis programme is a “waste of time” for me. Or should I just scribble something random in the journal, throw in a few things about my father; cry a little... anything to get them off my case. Make them happy.
I acknowledge that the BIG loser here is me. But there’s a point in life where you get tired of ‘believing’ that things will change. I think I've got enough “Christian morality” to get me through life. And even though my current situation is not ideal (what is ideal?), any changes will take time.
So I say “Relax and just go with the flow!”
