PMS always brings me a craving for carbs and also tears. Lots of them. Irrational, out of proportion tears
They made their appearance at our churchs’ Women’s Day of Grace last weekend. I don’t normally do Women’s Days because the focus tends to be on marriage and children which as a single woman, I can’t relate to. However it was different this time because it was split up into seminars and you could choose which ones you wanted to attend. In addition to the usual marriage, baby, teenage ones, there were talks on Nutrition, Personal styling, Women in leadership, in the workplace etc.
I attended the Dating seminar which was aimed at people in relationships- so strictly not for me (who can’t even get a date). The ‘Flying Solo’ seminar had 4 speakers talking about singleness from different perspectives. One hadn’t dated in four years, two were divorced - one with children and one without . Another speaker had a non-believing husband which can be incredibly lonely. I found that seminar a bit helpful as I recognised that I’d been expending a LOT of energy and resources obsessing about finding ‘Someone’, and maybe that energy is better expended on God. (Which is all well and good, but as I’ve been telling God, it’s cool and everything that He loves me, but I just want to know what it feels like to have someone human love me. A tangible person! Face it, I’m not all spirit…there’s a good chunk of me that is still physical and... ahem... sexual… but that’s another subject…)
Where was I? Oh yes… the tears
So on the Women’s Day, we had a guest musician, Carey Grant, (who really isn’t a guest because she is member of our church who just happens to be a celebrity) She sang 3 songs, and in the last one kept repeating the phrase ‘I want to go Home’. (Funnily enough the song was called Home! Hmm)
It awakened nostalgic thoughts about Uganda and my old friends with whom I truly connected, and how that really isn’t the case in England. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends in London, but they are different… I can’t put a finger to it… it’s just… different.
I really miss Home.
Unbidden tears started running down my face, much to my embarrassment because I was sitting next to soundman Paul and worship pastor, Jo. Instead of being ‘English’ and giving me emotional space, by pretending they hadn’t noticed me crying, Jo leans over and pats me on my back sympathetically. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me!!!
As if that was not enough, on Sunday during service, I started crying again. This time it was because that morning I’d received an urgent text from Uganda. School fees needed or kids would not be allowed to do exams! This meant all the money in my current account and I had to borrow some more. So I’m broke for the rest of the month, and probably next month too because I’ll have to repay the money I borrowed! It all became too much for me.
However, I was in this exact position this time last year, and God saw me through it. If He has done it before, then He’ll definitely do it again! So that crying episode I blame on PMS
Now that the good ol’ Periods have come, the tears have dried up and I am Kim again!
Until next month!
