Got another lesbian crack the other day! Zac, ‘God’s gift’ to women, was trying it on with me during a computer workshop.Two things about Zac
1) He’s a hairy self-obsessed git (not unlike Guy Secretan from Green Wing- see pic)
2) Definitely NOT my type!!!
I was demonstrating something on the computer, with the rest of the class gathered around. Zac was standing behind me. The first time he rubbed up against me, I let it slide because I thought it was accidental. Second time… weird… okay Kim; give him the benefit of the doubt! Third, fourth, FIFTH time… Is this guy for real? So finally I responded, but I suspect, not quite the way he expected (What was he expecting?) A discreet whack in the balls soon sorted out that nonsense. You got to admire the man- not a squeak out of him, but when we resumed seats, he sat opposite glaring. In the break he saunters up to me and begins telling this random story whose point was women and virgins (like me) who are keeping their options open and don’t respond to attractive men (like him) are most ASSUREDLY lesbians!
I’m no stranger to lesbian cracks. I baffle my colleagues and they’ve gone to GREAT lengths to try and ‘out’ me. In one such discussion about ‘types’, I was asked, “Kim, what qualities do you look for in a man… (Pause)… or a woman?”
My response is to smile sweetly and say “Well you’d want to know!”
Let them stew!
But sometimes I wonder… am I a lesbian?
I guess I fit the stereotype… I have a large build with broad shoulders, I believe the correct term is 'butch'. For me there are better things to do in life than obsess over shoes, clothes, facials, manicures, latest hairstyles, make-up… you know… girly stuff. The proverbial tomboy
I mean I’ve tried to be girly. Really tried!!! A couple of years ago I bought a load of make-up worth over £100 (gasp); suffered through an hour long makeover session where my eyes got poked and ended up looking like a surprised Michael Jackson. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life! The moment I got home, I WASHED it all off, and as far as I know the make-up is somewhere in the deepest recesses of my storeroom. What a waste? And who ever invented thongs? I mean is it sexy to walk around trying to work a piece of string out of one’s ass?
Plus there’s also the little fact that I’ve never had a boyfriend…
So what makes one a lesbian? I carried out a little research on the Internet, scouring through numerous lesbian sites. Interesting! Here were women actually physically attracted to other women. Right now, I am reading “Calling the Rainbow Nation Home” by E.T Sundby - a personal story on how a lesbian finally reconciled her homosexuality to her faith. I could relate to her spiritual journey, but not her sexual orientation. In Chapter 2, The Way Back, she says “…my sexual fantasies had always been about women, never men. No matter how hard I tried to think about guys, my thoughts always turned back towards women… Just when my friends were going boy-crazy, I was heading the other direction. I found that, instead of going away, my attraction for other women was getting stronger with each passing year. More unnerving was that my fantasies about women were far more satisfying than any experience I ever had with a guy.”
I don’t agree with everything E.T. Sundby writes and have difficulty accepting her interpretation of certain Bible verses, but I've learnt a couple of things: -
First... I’m not a lesbian! I feel no physical attraction to women whatsoever, and the thought actually turns my stomach! I do have loads of sexual fantasies about men though, like my neighbour Dean, who is HOT (and suspect is about to take out a restraining order for me!). Some lust issues there…
The second thing I learnt was this: -
Christians need to CHANGE their attitude towards Homosexuals! They are PEOPLE, with feelings and should be treated with respect regardless of whether you agree or disagree with their sexual orientation. They are not exempt from love and those gays who are Christians (yes they are saved) are my brothers and sisters and have equal access to God. I am disgusted with the Anti-Gay movement, backed by many ‘Christian’ churches and organisations whose verbal attacks have fuelled open discrimination, witch-hunts and hate crimes against gay men and women. Is it any wonder, that we have alienated these people from organised religion and the God we claim to represent?
The next time, you judge a gay person remember...
‘For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son that WHOSOEVER believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life’ John 3:16 (NIV)
